Diet Like A Star

Want to look like a star? Go from this (photo of Lindsay Lohan where she looked healthy, hot, and thin) to this (photo of Lindsay Lohan with her puffy face and under eye bags) in just a matter of weeks. Try the celebrity tested Chateau Marmont diet. This simple diet plan consists of 3 packs of Parliment Lights each day to be smoked at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all hours in between, vodka cocktails, and of course the Chateau's famous Spaghetti Bolgenese. Can't get a res at The Chateau? No problem. Here's our make it at home version of the cocktail and Blogenese. For faster results, omit the Blogenese all together. For fitness, throw cocktails in your ex-lover's face as often as possible and arrive at nightclubs you've been banned from so you will have to walk away for some extra cardio.

Vodka Cocktail

2 oz vodka

3 oz soda water

1 Klonopin crushed (optional)

Bolgenese

Ingredients

2 ounces dried porcini mushrooms, wiped of grit

1/4 pound pancetta or slab bacon, finely chopped

1 medium onion, finely chopped

2 celery stalks, finely chopped

2 carrots, finely chopped

5 garlic cloves, minced

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for drizzling

2 bay leaves

2 sprigs rosemary

1 1/2 pound ground pork

1 1/2 pound ground beef

2 cups milk

1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

2 cups dry red wine

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 pound dry tagiatelle pasta

Freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, for serving

1 handful fresh basil leaves

Fresh ricotta cheese

Directions

Reconstitute the mushrooms in boiling water for 20 minutes until tender, drain and coarsely chop.

Puree the mushrooms, pancetta, onion, celery stalks, carrots, garlic, together in a blender.

In a heavy-bottomed pot add olive oil, bay leaves, herbs and cook gently until fragrant, then add vegetable puree and continue to cook for a further 5 to 10 minutes.

Raise the heat a bit and add the ground pork and beef; brown until the meat is no longer pink, breaking up the clumps with a wooden spoon. Add the milk and simmer until the liquid is evaporated, about 10 minutes. Carefully pour in the tomatoes, and wine and season with salt and pepper. Bring the sauce to a boil, then lower the heat and cover. Slowly simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, stirring now and then, until the sauce is very thick. Taste again for salt and pepper.

When you are ready to serve, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, add the pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until tender yet firm (as they say in Italian "al dente"). Drain the pasta well and toss with the Bolognese sauce.

How do YOU diet?

XO,

Wannabe

You CAN Be A Fat Size 0

Size matters- for both sexes...and don't let anyone try to cajole you into thinking otherwise. Girls that are on diets are always thought of as superficial but people make fun of girls when they let themselves go a little bit. Case and point- Britney Spears. I was lucky enough to be invited to one of her promotional Femme Fatale performances and fulfilled a bucket list fantasy by being front row! Of course I took pictures (for the pure purpose of flaunting my proximity to Brit Brit on Facebook) and almost every single guy that commented made a snarky remark about her thighs. Homegirl has popped out two kids. Not everyone is "built" like Nicole Richie post-child birth.

These same guys that made those comments are the ones that roll their eyes at me when I order a vodka soda because it's only 40 calories. They tell me to live a little and not be so obsessed. Make up your mind! Do you want me skinny and a little mentally fucked up? Or a little more plump? But be honest...you wouldn't want to hit it if I was. We look down on famous women for being too thin but 1) laud them by putting them on the cover of every magazine as a "style icon" and then 2) tear them down when they gain weight. Mixed messages much? So what weight should I strive to be to have the meat on my bones that men supposedly like, but not be fat? Does that even exist? Couldn't there be like this is the absolute perfect weight for you book instead of The Blood Type Diet and going vegan like those women from Skinny Bitch?

I'm a size 0...but it's not enough! Sometimes I have trouble fitting into certain clothes and I still want to have a meltdown in the dressing room. I'm all thin is in but even I think enough is enough. 00 is clearly just a size that was made to make every girl that's gone thru puberty feel insecure. I can't be the only one that spends all day obsessing over food that I won't let myself have.

I'm just succumbing to it. I'm a fat size 0. You can be a fat 0, or 2, or 4 in your mind. Now I'm going to start owning it...and maybe tearing the tags out of my jeans every once in a while. I'm still human.

XO,

Wannabe