Is It Ever OK To Steal?

Thou shalt not steal is the eighth commandment. I thought it was first, but thank you Google, and sorry years of Sunday School spent wishing I was at the park playing like normal kids. But, God's sidekick Moses brought down some stone tablets told us we better whip our asses into shape. But that was like forever ago. A lot has changed. When commandments meant something Real Housewives were people who actually cooked and cleaned for their families.

So, is it ever ok to steal? The only time I ever want to is at the hair salon. Walking into the closet at my fancy Beverly Hills salon is very tempting. There's Missoni, Chanel, and Prada...oh my! They are all arranged on wood hangers just lounging there until their owner comes to pick them up. I'd never actually take anything but the thought always crosses my mind. I mean, that Rebecca Taylor leopard cashmere sweater would just go so perfectly with the jeans I have on. And it seems like stealing gets you in a minimal amount of trouble these days (if you get caught). Hi Lindsay and Winona. Yeah, I'm talking about you.

I find it even more fascinating that now-a-days, it's people who have the money to actually purchase these items that are getting a cheap thrill from swiping them. It's OK if it crosses your mind. And I'll say up front if I ever see a pair of size 37.5 Louboutins laying around in the street like a lost wallet they might not be going back to their owner...but if you take something that's something you aspire to have, what do you have left to work for. That Birkin bag will mean so much more when you've accomplished a task to earn it than if you got a five finger discount.

So, I think thou shalt not steal is pretty right on. I mean there isn't a commandment about fantasizing about it. That's what makes us human.

Have you ever stolen? What would you fantasize about stealing? High-end jewel heist? Or a priceless Banksy?

XO,

Wannabe

Things I Learned At The Club Over The Weekend

You'd think I'd have it all figured out by this point, but sometimes I still learn lessons about life...at the club. It may sound shallow, but think about it. There's no better social microcosm where people are in their least inhibited state. I hope these are as useful for you guys as they were for me.

NOTE: These may only be applicable to Los Angeles but, if you live somewhere else, they are worth a shot!

1. I Need To Dress Sluttier

Nice guys may finish last, but you know who always finishes first? Girls who dress slutty! This weekend, I was in my phase where I had to be out at "the club" but I didn't feel like getting all dolled up. I decided to go for skinny jeans, a sheer black top, and a black bra. If I went into a house of worship dressed like that I would've immediately burst into flames, but on the nightlife scene I might as well have been wearing a burka. Less than a handful (the actual number is actually embarrassing so I don't want to put it out there) talked to me. Really? I don't get these blond hair extensions sewn into my head for nothing. Meanwhile, it looked like Forever 21 exploded up in there. The girls in the polyester and latex mini dresses got all of the attention. Before any of you say it, I know...it's not like I'd want those guys who were interested in those type of girls...but I wanted their attention in the moment. Needless to say, a shopping trip might be in order. Goodbye Gucci, hello clothes that are glued together by starving children in the Philippines.

2. Hanging Out With Celebrities Sometimes Makes You Even More Anonymous

This is LA. Partying with someone that was in a Marvel superhero movie isn't exactly a unique experience. Sometimes, it's fun though. Especially when everyone at your table is a notable actor and they are all seemingly unattached- except for when none of them acknowledge your existence. Lets be clear, I'm not a star fucker. Not by occupation, anyway. But when they all congregate in front of you and you might as well be invisible, it sucks. No thank you! I'd rather hang out with the other people (not the Forever 21 hos mentioned above) that at least talk to me to try to get me into bed. Ignoring someone whether you're famous or not...how rude!

3. Girls Lie

Jealy that your bestie told you she made out with Leo post-Bar, pre-Blake? Want to gauge your eyes out because your co-worker said Jared Leto asked for her number? Don't pack up your apartment, take a vow of silence, and move to Bhutan just yet...they are probably LYING. What likely happened is Justin Timberlake accidentally spilled his drink on her when he was drunk, she tried to strike up a conversation, and he muttered how that alcohol was wasted under his breath. For some reason, I've come into contact with a lot of girls lying about their dalliances with celebrity men. What's the point? It's not like we won't see a paparazzi photo of them making out with Olivia Wilde (lets not pretend that she's not fucking all of the guys she claims she's just friends with) in a week. Who are you fooling? Lets stop the lies and focus on things that are important, like dieting.

I hope you will find these helpful. Stay tuned for what I learn at the club this week. Have you learned any lessons from the Gods Of Nightlife?

XO,

Wannabe