Is It Ever A Good Idea To Revisit Your Past?

I will admit. Sometimes I suck at boy stuff. I'm really bad at letting things happen naturally and just run their course. Nine times out of ten I try to manipulate a situation to insure the outcome that I want. Fact: this had NEVER worked. Not once. It always ends up blowing up in my face. Yet I still continue to do it. I think I need to take a look at the saying they use in AA. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." I've never been to AA but they seem to know what they are talking about. I'm also a fan of their serenity prayer and they usually have hot guys standing outside of the Robertson Blvd location (you Angeleanos know what I'm talking about) and it's cheaper than buying copies of The Secret and The Power.

Anyway, sometimes when things don't work out with a new guy I'm talking to I like to go back to the past. Try and see what's going on with guys that I have had something with in the past that didn't work out. Why, I don't know. If it didn't work out then there's no logical reason why it should work now. Sure there's timing. But again if something is meant to be it's meant to be and I shouldn't manipulate it, right?

I (very recently) did this when I realized that the person was no longer attached. I was really nervous as it had been a long time but what could a friendly drink hurt? I had a much better time than I thought and now I'm even more confused.

So, is it a good idea to go back to your past? Does it stop is from moving forward? For me, the jury's still out. What do you think?

xo,

Wannabe

Is It Wrong That I Wasn't Attracted To A Guy Until He Offered Me Drugs?

Another dating rant...getting bored yet? Let me set the scene. It was a Saturday night. I got off work and was driving home. I was getting excited about my pay-per-view (because Time Warner had kindly sent me a coupon for a .99 cent movie) and a late night snack until I looked at the clock. 11:24PM. 11:24PM! 11 fucking 24 PM! I couldn't stop repeating the time.

How did this happen??? I used to be cool. I used to be a "party girl" and know where all of the action was all the time. I used to have people asking ME what to do on a Saturday night. And now I'm getting ready to settle in at 11:24PM. No fucking way. I called up a friend who said I should meet her at The Dime. The Dime was one of my regular haunts in my hay day. Nine times out of ten if you went out any night of the week I'd be there. But I hadn't been there in at least 2 years. It wasn't the happening spot anymore but I figured it was better than being at home...alone...at 11:24PM on Saturday.

She went to meet a guy she had on and off feelings for and I went to not die of self-loathing. One of the guy's friends had just moved to LA that week and was cute but I kinda lost interest when I found out he was from Cult-ville, Texas. Can you get more white bread and generic? He was cute but when I tried to make conversation we had nothing in common. At times I kinda wished I had gone home and finally watched Country Strong. But I stuck it out. He was flirting and lets be honest...I could use the practice.

I started telling him how I was tired and used to be cool and was part of the in crowd. He jokingly suggested that I try a little blow to keep myself awake. To which my reply was "honey...been there, done that, have the t-shirt. Except I was definitely more fun when I partook in extra-curricular activities." He then proceeded to offer me cocaine. I was shocked. I thought he had just mentioned it because he'd seen "Bright Lights, Big City" and "Less Than Zero" and thought that that's what people in LA did. I didn't think he was holding.

And that's when I became attracted to him. I politely declined and told him those were days of yesteryear for me but I couldn't help how much my interest in him had peaked. Maybe he wasn't as corn fed as I thought. After that when he asked for my number I gave it to him willingly. We shall see what happens...

Have you ever thought a guy was more attractive once you found out he had an edge? I like mine razor sharp.

XO,

Wannabe

Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes-Benz...Or Just Bring Me a Guy That Drives A Beamer

Hi,

My name is Wannabe and I get wet for guys who drive Beamers. Graphic, I know. But I'm powerless. I need help. For some reason the last 3 guys I've dated (or slept with) have driven BMWs. Sure they're sexy, sleek, and expensive, but there must be more to it. So a few posts bad I said that you didn't need a Beamer, Benz, or Bentley...I lied. There's just something exciting about that European steel. But in a very rare Sex And The City moment, I couldn't help but wonder if there was something about the psychology of the men that buy BMWs.

Admittedly, I usually choose the wrong men. They are usually wealthy, entitled, and reckless. But I think I just need to come to terms with the fact that this is who I am. Every girl I know seems to give out man advice but they are either single or in relationships that I wouldn't want to be in. "You need to be with someone calm that balances you out", "You need to be with someone who doesn't do drugs", "You need to be able to be the one to shine in the relationship".

Well, FUCK THAT. Sorry I like industry types and they just happen to drive BMWs. That's all.

xo

Wannabe

I'm So Not Carrie Bradshaw

While I fancy myself somewhat of a Fashionista (and yes that was meant to be capitalized) and I do love me a cocktail, I don't think I could be further from this idealistic fantasy of a young woman that knows how to handle her relationships and emotions. Typically a blog like this would start out with "I couldn't help but wonder," or "Spotted," but not this time. This is The Diary of Another Twenty-Something Pill Popping Los Angeles Wannabe.

Being the shocking Los Angeles combination of an actress and writer, navigating my way thru life at times as felt pretty futile. In the land where prescription pads reign supreme I've found it pretty easy to numb myself- especially after a break up. "It's not you, it's me."
"I need to live on the edge."
"What you're asking for is reasonable I just can't give it to you."
After hearing all of those a few dozen times it's easy to get discouraged. My preferred method for coping with breakups are full days spent without 1) getting out of bed 2) performing any sort of hygenic routine and 3) eating 2 Carr's Water Crackers (gotta look good if you're gonna be back out there on the market).

But all kidding aside, something like the earthquake in Haiti happens or something tragic and out of the blue happens to a friend of a friend and we are all left with horrible reminders of how short life is and how it is unfortunately it can be cut even shorter in an instant. It's times like these when I feel like all of that depression and claiming that I'm "wearing a frown" when a girlfriend asks what I'm wearing to dinner seems so utterly pointless. Wallowing in our bubbles is really only cheating ourselves out of good times we could possibly have and new friends we could possibly meet.

Because I say NO to plagarism I will leave you all with a speech from a little show called Ugly Betty. Yeah I know it's been pretty silly this season but I must give credit where credit is due...and at least I'm not taking life advice from One Tree Hill anymore. At least now that Lucas and Peyton are off the show....(sorry but B.Davis just isn't doing it for me). So here's to Betty and reminding us that life is meant to be lived and how we can't let heartbreak or fear keep us from challenging ourselves and getting back on the horse.

" I've had to say good-bye more times than I may have liked, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we have to do it - even if it's for the greater good, it still stings. And although we will never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can't do is live our lives afraid of the next good-bye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing - when it's a chance to start over."
xoxo
Wannabe