ANOTHER Analysis of Lindsay Lohan's Courtroom Fashion

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Hopefully 30 days behind bars will give Lindsay a chance to catch up on reading W, Vogue, & Harpers Bazaar (assuming she can read). This outfit makes her looked like a cracked out Lucy Ricardo. Honey, Ricky, Fred, & Ethel peaced out on you long ago. First off, the polka dots do not make you look more innocent. They more look like spots of cocaine you forgot to wipe off your blue dress. Another Chanel bag, isn't going to gain the sympathy of the judge, because she probably doesn't earn enough money to even buy one for herself. And the neckline is totally wrong. Not only does it make your boobs look like one giant uniboob, but if you wanted some sympathy, you shoulda shown a little cleave. The glasses and hair are just bad and I'll leave it at that, because I've already given you a tongue lashing...and I have a feeling you can be expecting a lot more of those in prison. I hope that while you're eating your faux turkey meal in the slammer on Thanksgiving you'll be thankful for the fact that you have designer clothes given to you (although god only knows why at this point), and you will start making an effort. Maybe an early 2012 resolution...besides staying off drugs and out of jail.

Wishing you well on your mini-vacay starting Nov. 9th.

XO,

Wannabe

Lindsay Lohan Courtroom Fashion: An Analysis Part 2

Lets start from top to bottom, because I have too much to say and I want to keep my thoughts organized.

Hair

I'd like to perform my own community service and alert all of my readers that for ten years now, Goody, and various other hair accessory companies have been making clear, yes, clear, hair ties! I know, the things they can accomplish with technology these days. Stop wearing a black hair tie when you have blonde hair (or weave). It looks tickity tacky. Also, you've done a lot of blow in your day, and now it's time for a blow out. It would be great if you could run some shampoo and conditioner through those extensions before they get even more matted together.

Make Up

I'm not going to say that I hate the make up. Ok, who are we kidding? Of course I will. But it isn't appropriate for the daytime. No one needs to wear that much blush unless you're performing on Dancing With The Stars. And cool it with the Dior Show. We all like mascara but there's a fine line, honey.

Accessories

The Scarf

I will never understand wearing sleeveless clothing and then a scarf around your neck. If anything, you lose warmth from your head first, so she could've benefitted from a fedora or a J-Lo/Kardashian style floppy hat. The only reason to wear a scarf when wearing a sleeveless dress is to cover up hickeys or vampire bites- and I think Rob Pattinson has kept a very safe distance from Ms. Lohan at all times. Yes, it's foggy and 61 degrees F in LA right now but you could've worn a dress with sleeves if you were concerned about the temperature. Not only is the scarf not necessary, but it's the same color as the dress. Couldn't we have gotten a blush pink or baby blue. She clearly doesn't have the money to go tanning anymore so we need to do something about that pasty skin tone. Or ask your Sevyn Nine line to send you some tan in a can. Because you probably aren't allowed inside a Sephora.

The Earrings

These (what appear to be) floral shaped studs are ok. I'm assuming they probably came from XIV Karats or they were a "gift" as she isn't allowed anywhere near the store in Venice she stole from. On second thought, probably good she was wearing the scarf so she wasn't wearing anymore potential evidence for the court.

The Bag

I like this bag. It's Chanel. What's not to like? And you can never go wrong with metallics- especially gold. And nothing says I'm a law abiding citizen like a sick slouchy purse. And she will probably have gold teeth soon from her next visit to the slammer, so she will be color coordinated.

Dress

Fuck winter white. I mean, who does she think she's fooling with this dress. Yes, it's more court appropriate and a bit more demure...but you aren't exactly Doris fucking Day, Lindsay. Everyone sees right through you (and for your sake I hope you're wearing a bra and thong this time). The "good girl" Fendi white angelic dress isn't going to change anyone's mind. Hopefully you're focusing more on Fendi than felonies these days. A for effort, though.

Jewelry

The black bracelet is hideous. BUT, it does match her rotting teeth. Perhaps our girl LL didn't want to be berated again for wearing something too nice since the Louboutin episode at her last appearance. As Carla Gugino aka Cheeka Barnfeld stated in Troop Beverly Hills "Too many accessories clutter an outfit." Ditch the bracelet and stop being an accessory to crime!

Shoes

I adore these Giuseppe Zanotti peep-toe shoes. Again, I'm a huge fan of metallics anytime, any place. And it's hard to go wrong with a platform and stiletto heel. These can also be used as a weapon in an escape attempt or could be traded for a pack of Parliment Lights inside. And kudos for matching them with the bag. Too bad these belong on the red carpet instead of being caught red handed for being kicked out of your probation program.

Lindz added a last minute accessory of handcuffs at the end of her hearing. Tisk, tisk. The only place the cuffs are a chic accessory is in the bedroom. Faux pas!

Overall, I'm not a huge fan of this look. Lindsay Lohan needs to stick to what she does best...leggings and plaid button down shirts. The, I just fucked a guy for a rock of meth look is really your bread and butter. Let Leighton Meester do the Upper East Side look. It doesn't work for you.

Her hearing is set for Nov 2nd. I can't wait to see what she turns up in then. And lets keep our fingers crossed that it spans multiple days so we can get even more Lindsay Lohan courtroom fashion.

Did you like today's ensemble? Was it more Elle magazine or Elle Woods?

XO,

Wannabe

Courtroom Fashion: The Amanda Knox Edition

From Foxy Knoxy to Very Sloppy to Celebrity Copy

Here's Amanda Knox before she went on her semester abroad in Italy in 2007. While this outfit is beyond questionable, lets keep in mind that she is a twenty-year-old from Seattle, WA. To me, this screams "I shop at Hot Topic and love my ironic Care Bears t-shirt." I don't know how she was dubbed "Foxy Knoxy" looking at this ensemble, but she could have had a banging bod underneath.
Uh, oh...Amanda's in trouble. Girl loves her green, huh? The coat is hideous but even worse are the police escort accessories. Bad girls are hot, but accused murderers are another story. Perhaps she was trying to debunk the "Foxy Knoxy" promiscuity rumors because, girl, there's nothing hot about a plastic bag. You're in Italy! There's got to be a Prada outlet somewhere near Perugia, right??
When I first saw this picture, my first thought was is this a skirt or shorts. That is never a good sign. Amanda, get your act together. Can you request a copy of Vogue with your visitor's rights? I get that you need to be modest, but again, you're in ITALY for christ's sake. The fashion capital of the world...AND your photos in court are serviced all over the world and on the internet. Step it up.
This isn't my favorite, but it's an improvement. Very J.Crew looking. How jealy do you think she is that the officer holding her has a red mani? I bet your cuticles get super narsty in the clink.
Finally! Something camera-worthy! Loving the shirt, girl! And you've been studying those Italian models. Your pout looks fierce. Remember girl, smize!
I'm going to cut Amanda some slack. I'm sure there's no deep conditioning treatment in jail. And blow dryers are probably a no-no as well. Sometimes you have to cut it all off to start over again. I wouldn't re-visit this haircut if I were her, but since it was probably necessary, I'm gonna say she has a Demi Moore/Ghost thing going on.
Well, looky here! That blush pink really compliments her skin tone and I'm loving the neckline. NOW I see a glimpse of Foxy Knoxy.
Freedom is the hottest ensemble and here's Amanda begging for hers. I'm assuming she wanted the court to focus on her words and not her appearance. Bravo for knowing when less is more.
Hey girl hey! Is that Nicole Richie? Overdsized sweater, leggings, flat boots! Now, a free woman, Amanda is looking like a star. It will only be a matter of time before Rachel Zoe comes calling. This is a paparazzi ready outfit. Kudos.

While the outfit is fab, I have to call out the scrunchie. I know she was away for four years, but she is aware this isn't 1992. The white scrunchie looks like a messed up version of a hair wrap (remember those???). Because you had a long journey home from Italy, I will let it slide. But consider this your warning from the fashion police.

Amanda's ordeal in Italy was terrible, but at least spending some time in one of the fashion capitals of the world gave her some sick style. I think we have a future fashionista in the making. Congratulations on your freedom Amanda. Time to head to the mall!

XO,

Wannabe

When Does Slutty Become Too Slutty?

Please excuse the lack of a photo. None seemed to fit appropriately.

Sometimes ALL girls want to ho it up. Not necessarily with their actions but with the way they dress. It can be nice to get attention. But lately I've wrestled with the question how slutty is too slutty? I am a fan of the "classy slutty" look. Kind of a Carrie Bradshaw mets Kate Moss sort of thing. My personal signature look usually has to do with denim on the bottom, white t-shirt, black bra, and heels. It doesn't sound that bad, right? But I was debating the length of the jean shorts was wearing the other night. I was comfortable in it but that doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate to wear in public. To be honest the more appropriate pair almost seemed matronly in length compared to the others. So, what to do? When does slutty become too slutty. And how do you know?

What do you think is too slutty?

xo,

Wannabe

*Side Note: When you Google image "slutty" the first pictures that come up are of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, & Miley Cyrus. Interesting....

Things That Every Girl Needs In Her Purse in 2011

A friend of mine used to have a great acronym for everything she needed in her bag when she left the house: MILK

Money

ID

Lipstick

Keys

Unfortunately this was invented in the late 90's and she had to make a few additions, so MILK became MCMILK- like Ronald McDonald's partying firecrotch cousin.

Mints

Cell Phone (applicable to BlackBerry, IPhone, and all smart phones now)

Money

ID

Lipstick

Keys

I always followed this rule when going out and for the most part, I was covered. But as my life and partying progressed, I realized that there were some things that I needed that weren't on the list.

Pen

A pen is necessary for a variety of reasons, signing your bar bill receipt, signing your traffic ticket, and the most important, leaving your number behind in the morning. I recently found myself in a predicament without a pen and it was a disaster. After a rendez-vous with a very nice guy I woke up circa 6AM. As I'm a fidgeter - nor do I do awkward mornings I wanted to get the hell out of there. I wanted to be polite and leave my number so I looked in my Lauren Merkin clutch and there was no pen. I scoured his apartment- which was very informative by the way- to find a writing utensil. Finally after 20 minutes, I found a pen near the bar area. The only paper I found was the back of a Target receipt, but in a pinch, anything will do. I courteously left my number behind and I actually received a text soon after slinking out. Manners intact and a new relationship on the horizon, check!

Tide To-Go Stick

I'm a relatively new convert to the portable stain stick movement but I must say that I encourage all of you to join the cause as well. Recently, there was an incident with In-N-Out Burger (it was protein style- so don't judge!) and an Elizabeth & James cocktail dress. I hadn't even notice until I'd gotten out of the car and a friend pointed it out. I was mortified and thought I could cover the bottom of my dress by holding my clutch just so. Not the case. After the field test we realized something had to be done before reaching our final destination. Answer, 24 Hour CVS. Solution, Tide Stick T0-Go. This thing worked wonders and literally took the stain away within minutes. Do NOT freak out that there's a giant wet spot for 5 minutes. It subsides and takes the evidence of in-car gluttony away.

Cash

I know money is written above in both MILK and MCMILK but money can pertain to anything. Credit Cards, Checks, Travelers Checks, Starbucks Cards, Gift Cards. It is important that you're always carrying cold hard cash. There are some emergencies and situations in which only cash will suffice and they usually occur after 2AM.

Optional: Camera, (in case you get that rare opportunity to get a picture with Justin Timberlake and that BlackBerry just won't cut it), Pepper Spray, Birth Control

What do you always have in your purse?

XO,

Wannabe

Lindsay Lohan's Courtroom Fashion: An Analysis

May 24, 2010Ah, the beginning. Doesn't this seem like so long ago? When Lindsay was only an addict and not a thief. This must be what people mean when referring to the "good ole days". Her outfit is alarmingly appropriate. Her boobs are covered (mostly) and she chose a demure black pantsuit to show her respect for the judge and the legal process.

July 6, 2010
The cockiness begins. Who needs to wear binding tailored clothes to court? This is Lindsay before and orange jumpsuit was her only option for 30 days. This outfit says "I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm collected and I'm going to beat the system motherfuckers!

July 20, 2010
The difference a few days makes. On her return appearance to court a mere two weeks later, Lindsay said fuck you to Saks (hey they prosecuted Winona Ryder- probably best she got out when she did) and hello to generic (what color is that even??? moss mixed w/ charcoal?) t-shirt that Target would be ashamed to acknowledge that they made. This choice was probably made a night after she was pretending to audition for a guest star roll on Breaking Bad and she did too much "research". The outfit sucks- plain and simple. But homegirl knows how to accessorize. See below.

Sept 24, 2010
Nothing like some time in the clink to make you appreciate italian fabrics, cashmere, and tailoring. Our girl LL got it together, somewhat, to channel her version of Marilyn Monroe (even if she isn't wearing her 6126 line as an homage to the star). Hey the last two ensembles of shitty t-shirts didn't help so maybe the pleated knee length skirt would. She may not have ended up back in prison, but she should've been arrested by the fashion police.

Oct 22, 2010
Who even remembers why she was there this time? The court case is just as forgettable as this outfit.

Feb 9, 2011
Dress: Kimberly Ovitz

This is hot. Plain and simple. I don't care if she was going to court. This outfit is perfect ANYWHERE. Church/Temple/Wherever Scientologists gather? Check! Grocery shopping? Check! Dinner and drugs at The Chateau Marmont? Check. I choose to overlook the inappropriateness and hip hugging nature and give into the silhouette for style. A+ Linds! Is that the first time you've ever seen that next to your name?

March 10, 2011

Dress:Raquel Allegra

Shoes: Chanel

Sunglasses: Christian Dior

Once again...flawless. Perhaps not for being berated by the justice system. But if you're going to get in trouble, you might as well look hot doing it.

July 22, 2011
Shoes: Christian Louboutin

Cost: $1200 + mental clarity due to lack of therapy funds

First off, the shoes could be "borrowed" like the necklace she was accused of taking. Second of all, I would much rather buy Louboutins then have to talk about my problems- unless they're giving me the good meds. Well done Lindsay. I'm never one to blame a girl for trying. Might be time for a new weave though.

Accesorizing

Everyone is all into those shellack and gel manicures these days but lets be honest- Lindsay kicked off the nail niche. She's an actress and needs to express her true emotions. And sometimes nothing other than "fuck u" will suffice. Loving the pastel color scheme underneath the writing. Wonder if she was able to hide any blow under the fingernail.

What's your favorite outfit Lindsay wore to court? What do you think she should wear for her court appearance in October? Lets all get our paper dolls out.

XO,

Wannabe

Clearly The TSA Does Not Stand For The Style Afficianado

"I need a female assist with a bulky dress!"

You've got to be kidding me. As I moved into what can only be described as a Plexiglas tube at Miami International Airport security I started to tear up. Never had I had such a lucid Cher Horowtiz moment. Sure I have the buzzed "lets take a lap before we commit to a location" upon entering any club or party but is there a girl that was a pre-teen in the 90's that doesn't say that?

I immediately wanted to shout at him. "Bulky! This dress is vintage." Who do you think you are, Rachel Zoe? Look, I get you're doing your job keeping our skyways safe and all but I really don't think it's necessary to insult my fashion sense. Not what Obama had in mind.

I wanted to pull a freeze frame moment a la Zack Morris. FYI the dress was a colorful vintage maxi halter and it looked a lot better with the boho Splendid cardigan and straw fedora you made me take off and put thru the x-ray machine.

Finally the female TSA agent came over and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I'm not going to lie- my tone was teetering on a whimper and a whine.

"Do you think my dress is bulky?" Silence. "Your colleague called my dress bulky."

"He did?"

"Yeah. And it's vintage. That was so insulting."

"He didn't mean it like that." I roll my eyes and snicker. "He just meant it was form fitting and we couldn't see if you were concealing anything underneath it." So, first he calls my dress ugly and now I'm fat. I spread my legs which lets be honest was the most action I got on my vacation.

After the pat down she winked at me and told me she would have a talk with him. I guess she rocks the boho chic when the TSA uniform comes off. The skies were friendly once again.

And PS only Uncle Karl can every call my garments bulky. I don't take it twice.

Would YOU have given the TSA agent a piece of your mind?

afficianado

xo,

Wannabe

An Open Letter (that should be from) Lady GaGa

Dear Little Monsters (and everyone else out there that tries to emulate me),

I would like to put an end to this fashion madness. I know that I am able to pull off outlandish fashion that sometimes honestly isn't fashion as an amalgamation of ideas from my brain that hap pend to end up on my body, but most of you can't. When you wear a leotard in public and you're not a size 0 or 2 that is not OK. When you wear clothes that don't match for attention, that's not OK. When you wear your hair tied in a bow on top of your head, not OK. Please stop.

Love,

GaGa

Lady GaGa is a pop star. Emphasis on the word star. She has worked hard and made her mark. She is an innovator. When Sally Doe from Northridge wears a GaGa-esq outfit out on a Saturday night she looks retarded (and don't get on me for being slanderous to the mentally challenged. No other word fits, OK?). Lady GaGa has earned the right to dress like that. She is an innovator. Sally works at Hamburger Hamlet.

Sally is what I like to call part of the GPop. GPop = General Population. You can find them at the movies, Target in the suburbs, and at clubs on a Saturday night. Everyone knows that all of the cool kids go out during the week, right?

Wearing an outfit that is reminiscent of Lady GaGa just makes you look stupid. Please just stick to The Gap. I hope that I have reached some of you and that you now realize your place. Lets leave the fashion and music to GaGa so you can Just Dance.

xo,

Wannabe

I'm So Not Carrie Bradshaw

While I fancy myself somewhat of a Fashionista (and yes that was meant to be capitalized) and I do love me a cocktail, I don't think I could be further from this idealistic fantasy of a young woman that knows how to handle her relationships and emotions. Typically a blog like this would start out with "I couldn't help but wonder," or "Spotted," but not this time. This is The Diary of Another Twenty-Something Pill Popping Los Angeles Wannabe.

Being the shocking Los Angeles combination of an actress and writer, navigating my way thru life at times as felt pretty futile. In the land where prescription pads reign supreme I've found it pretty easy to numb myself- especially after a break up. "It's not you, it's me."
"I need to live on the edge."
"What you're asking for is reasonable I just can't give it to you."
After hearing all of those a few dozen times it's easy to get discouraged. My preferred method for coping with breakups are full days spent without 1) getting out of bed 2) performing any sort of hygenic routine and 3) eating 2 Carr's Water Crackers (gotta look good if you're gonna be back out there on the market).

But all kidding aside, something like the earthquake in Haiti happens or something tragic and out of the blue happens to a friend of a friend and we are all left with horrible reminders of how short life is and how it is unfortunately it can be cut even shorter in an instant. It's times like these when I feel like all of that depression and claiming that I'm "wearing a frown" when a girlfriend asks what I'm wearing to dinner seems so utterly pointless. Wallowing in our bubbles is really only cheating ourselves out of good times we could possibly have and new friends we could possibly meet.

Because I say NO to plagarism I will leave you all with a speech from a little show called Ugly Betty. Yeah I know it's been pretty silly this season but I must give credit where credit is due...and at least I'm not taking life advice from One Tree Hill anymore. At least now that Lucas and Peyton are off the show....(sorry but B.Davis just isn't doing it for me). So here's to Betty and reminding us that life is meant to be lived and how we can't let heartbreak or fear keep us from challenging ourselves and getting back on the horse.

" I've had to say good-bye more times than I may have liked, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we have to do it - even if it's for the greater good, it still stings. And although we will never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can't do is live our lives afraid of the next good-bye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing - when it's a chance to start over."
xoxo
Wannabe