Do You Ever Feel Like Someone Else Has Stolen Your Life?

I really hate it when people pretend like everything is perfect in their life just for appearances. Lets be honest, NOBODY is happy with everything. And if you are and you are in your twenties you must be some kind of freak of nature. A lucky freak of nature, but one nonetheless. I'd rather be upfront with my friends. My relationships aren't what I want them to be or I thought I'd be in a different place in my life by this age. Then, sometimes I see people who have exactly what I want that are my age- and even more vomit inducing, younger.

Before you say anything, I get it. The way they look to me on the outside might not be how they actually are. At this point, I'll take the facade. I just don't understand how things are happening for these other people and not for myself. I'm the biggest believer that you are the only one who has the power to change your own life. But what happens when the changes you try to make don't work and leave you feeling well, powerless. I don't want to hop on the bitter train, but sometimes it's really hard to make sense of it all. I want to fulfill myself in all of these ways but I keep trying different tactics to make changes and when there aren't any results it feels like I'm banging my head against a wall. What's worse, is having to see other people that are somehow successfully making these changes and excelling. Sometimes I feel like they stole the life I was supposed to have like when Dr. Evil stole Austin Powers's mojo.

How do you keep yourself out of a funk when nothing you're doing is working? Do you guys ever feel this way? Do you have any tips on what to do when it's getting you down?

xo,

Wannabe

Things That Every Girl Needs In Her Purse in 2011

A friend of mine used to have a great acronym for everything she needed in her bag when she left the house: MILK

Money

ID

Lipstick

Keys

Unfortunately this was invented in the late 90's and she had to make a few additions, so MILK became MCMILK- like Ronald McDonald's partying firecrotch cousin.

Mints

Cell Phone (applicable to BlackBerry, IPhone, and all smart phones now)

Money

ID

Lipstick

Keys

I always followed this rule when going out and for the most part, I was covered. But as my life and partying progressed, I realized that there were some things that I needed that weren't on the list.

Pen

A pen is necessary for a variety of reasons, signing your bar bill receipt, signing your traffic ticket, and the most important, leaving your number behind in the morning. I recently found myself in a predicament without a pen and it was a disaster. After a rendez-vous with a very nice guy I woke up circa 6AM. As I'm a fidgeter - nor do I do awkward mornings I wanted to get the hell out of there. I wanted to be polite and leave my number so I looked in my Lauren Merkin clutch and there was no pen. I scoured his apartment- which was very informative by the way- to find a writing utensil. Finally after 20 minutes, I found a pen near the bar area. The only paper I found was the back of a Target receipt, but in a pinch, anything will do. I courteously left my number behind and I actually received a text soon after slinking out. Manners intact and a new relationship on the horizon, check!

Tide To-Go Stick

I'm a relatively new convert to the portable stain stick movement but I must say that I encourage all of you to join the cause as well. Recently, there was an incident with In-N-Out Burger (it was protein style- so don't judge!) and an Elizabeth & James cocktail dress. I hadn't even notice until I'd gotten out of the car and a friend pointed it out. I was mortified and thought I could cover the bottom of my dress by holding my clutch just so. Not the case. After the field test we realized something had to be done before reaching our final destination. Answer, 24 Hour CVS. Solution, Tide Stick T0-Go. This thing worked wonders and literally took the stain away within minutes. Do NOT freak out that there's a giant wet spot for 5 minutes. It subsides and takes the evidence of in-car gluttony away.

Cash

I know money is written above in both MILK and MCMILK but money can pertain to anything. Credit Cards, Checks, Travelers Checks, Starbucks Cards, Gift Cards. It is important that you're always carrying cold hard cash. There are some emergencies and situations in which only cash will suffice and they usually occur after 2AM.

Optional: Camera, (in case you get that rare opportunity to get a picture with Justin Timberlake and that BlackBerry just won't cut it), Pepper Spray, Birth Control

What do you always have in your purse?

XO,

Wannabe

Lobster And Rose: An Ode To Summer

Every summer I try to make a list of fun things I have to do while the warm months are upon us. Clearly that summer fling with Ryan Gosling isn't happening this year. I always succumb to the marketing geniuses around that time. Every women's magazine features the perfect outfit and accessories for the beach, the outdoor concert festival, a summer BBQ, and your exotic trip to Bali. If everyone at these magazines is doing all of this stuff, shouldn't I be doing it? I mean, I live in LA and how often to I get to Malibu? I start to feel the pressure of summer to have fun and take advantage of all of the opportunities around and it stresses me the fuck out! This summer I had two main goals:

1) See a movie at Hollywood Forever Cemetery- Check! Saw Heathers so fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

2) Water Park- I know they're technically disgusting and full with who knows what kind of germs. But I thought it was be an easy way to re-capture my youth with a AAA discount. This item is still pending.

I don't have the time or money quite frankly to complete all of the picture-esq activities that my heart desires so I made a compromise with myself. I decided to indulge in the two things that are my absolute favorite about summer. Yes. Oprah style. If I could give these to you my readers you would probably be pissed you weren't walking away with a free trip to Australia, but in Wannabe World they suffice. Drum roll please! My two summer must haves are: Lobster and Rose!

Lobster

There is NO way to go wrong here. Of course my favorite was to eat lobster during the summer is in "roll" form. The buttered split roll is perfection (and in my mind it's also carb-less). Then you have chunks of buttery lobster meat (tail and claw preferred) doused in either butter or mayo adorning the roll. If you haven't already and you live in LA, check out the Lobsta Truck so you can feel like it's summer all year round: www.lobstatruck.com

While the lobster roll is my favorite I also enjoy it in burger, salad, and free form. Nothing says summer like those claw-y creatures red delicious meat. Shoot me now PETA. And what alcoholic beverage goes oh-so-well with this sweet and savory seafood???

Rose
Rose. You are perfect. You are almost like a blend of red and white wine. Clearly I'm not a wine expert but I know what I like. You are light and airy and crisp all in one sip. And lets get real...I can suck down a glass real fast. Though it tends to have a lower alcohol content it's OK because you can drink more, easily. The chilled wine goes perfectly with the heat and humidity and because it's so drinkable it's perfect for cocktail hour on the porch (aka I sit on the bench alone in front of my building), or with a meal. Preferably containing lobster.

So, don't let the bourgeois marketing companies let you believe that you aren't living up to your full summer potential. Zero in on the few activities you want to do while the weather is warm and then find out what summer means to you. And if you want my opinion, sit back, relax, and enjoy some lobster and rose.

What are your summer must-haves?

XO,

Wannabe

Yeah, I Cried in Target...So What????

Hi,

My name is...well you don't know that nor do I want you to. But, I cried in Target yesterday. I know, at first it sounds pathetic. Don't pretend you haven't done the same thing (or something very similar). No, I wasn't crying at the adorable new Calypso St. Barth for Target clothing collection. I had a full on legitimate meltdown in the book aisle. I went into what Oprah refers to as "the ugly cry".

For those of you that have been following me, you might think I'm cray cray. But I'd like to assure you that in real life I'm actually a fairly stable, responsible woman. I make remarks in jest about men and recreational activities but underneath it all I'm very passionate about life- in particular my work.

Lets back up so I can set the scene about how the Mariah TRL/Britney Shaving Her Head moment went down for me. It's a regular Tuesday afternoon and I realize that I've run out of dish soap. Having seen it on sale in the Target circular I decided that I would procure it there. Innocuous enough, right? Wrong! How many times do YOU go into Target for one thing and leave with next week's paycheck worth of stuff. I'm a marketer's dream and am attracted to all of the bright, shiny signs (particularly the ones that say "sale"). I happened to meander over to the book section to look at Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Guidice's "Skinny Italian" book because I needed to get some new ideas for a dinner party I'm throwing. Low and behold there's a book on the shelf that has a title similar to one that I've been working on for two years. I l-o-s-t my shit. I started breaking down with a cart full of Glade candles and greeting cards right there. I was inconsolable. I finally had to retreat to the dressing room to collect myself and wipe the tears away. I was finally about to go back to the book section and actually look at the book. Turns out, it has absolutely nothing to do with mine. Relief!

I called a friend to tell them this story thinking it would be a funny anecdote we could tell at cocktail parties and her response was "why do you care so much?" I started to think about it. Do I care too much or do other people not care enough? All I want in life is to fulfill my passion and be creative. Why is it wrong to take that so seriously? Isn't it the people that sacrifice and that have tunnel vision the ones that succeed? Why should I be so blase about my future?

Here it goes. I'm not normal. I don't want to be normal. I don't want a job that will get me by in life. I want the roller coaster. And here my "friend" is basically telling me that I'm making myself crazy and it isn't worth it. Well, I totally Varsity Blues-ed her ass and told her "I don't want your life" (not nearly as passionately as James Van Der Beek had done it but I gave it my best shot). I would gladly cry at Target, Best Buy, or Whole Foods and feel that disappointment and go for my dreams instead of living a life of mediocrity.

Do YOU chase your dreams everyday? If not you should...and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. Suck that The Secret (which is available at Target by the way).

XO,

Wannabe

I'm So Not Carrie Bradshaw

While I fancy myself somewhat of a Fashionista (and yes that was meant to be capitalized) and I do love me a cocktail, I don't think I could be further from this idealistic fantasy of a young woman that knows how to handle her relationships and emotions. Typically a blog like this would start out with "I couldn't help but wonder," or "Spotted," but not this time. This is The Diary of Another Twenty-Something Pill Popping Los Angeles Wannabe.

Being the shocking Los Angeles combination of an actress and writer, navigating my way thru life at times as felt pretty futile. In the land where prescription pads reign supreme I've found it pretty easy to numb myself- especially after a break up. "It's not you, it's me."
"I need to live on the edge."
"What you're asking for is reasonable I just can't give it to you."
After hearing all of those a few dozen times it's easy to get discouraged. My preferred method for coping with breakups are full days spent without 1) getting out of bed 2) performing any sort of hygenic routine and 3) eating 2 Carr's Water Crackers (gotta look good if you're gonna be back out there on the market).

But all kidding aside, something like the earthquake in Haiti happens or something tragic and out of the blue happens to a friend of a friend and we are all left with horrible reminders of how short life is and how it is unfortunately it can be cut even shorter in an instant. It's times like these when I feel like all of that depression and claiming that I'm "wearing a frown" when a girlfriend asks what I'm wearing to dinner seems so utterly pointless. Wallowing in our bubbles is really only cheating ourselves out of good times we could possibly have and new friends we could possibly meet.

Because I say NO to plagarism I will leave you all with a speech from a little show called Ugly Betty. Yeah I know it's been pretty silly this season but I must give credit where credit is due...and at least I'm not taking life advice from One Tree Hill anymore. At least now that Lucas and Peyton are off the show....(sorry but B.Davis just isn't doing it for me). So here's to Betty and reminding us that life is meant to be lived and how we can't let heartbreak or fear keep us from challenging ourselves and getting back on the horse.

" I've had to say good-bye more times than I may have liked, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we have to do it - even if it's for the greater good, it still stings. And although we will never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can't do is live our lives afraid of the next good-bye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing - when it's a chance to start over."
xoxo
Wannabe