The Blowoff

Hi guys!  I'm hoping to have another post up for you soon.  I've been working my ass off on writing that actually gets me paid for the past few weeks.  I recently realized I haven't introduced you to an awesome site I've been blogging for called The Blowoff.  Yep, you guessed it, it's all about dating and relationships.  It's run by an awesome chick named Saaara and aside from myself she has some other awesome contributors.  So check it out www.theblowoff.com .  And you can also follow me on Twitter @20LAWannabe.  Hope to hear from you all soon.
xx

Oprah & Lindsay Lohan: The Good, The (Mostly) Bad, and of course The Fashion

After I watched the Lindsay Lohan interview on Oprah's Next Chapter I knew that I had to write about it.  As soon as it was over the first thought I had was, "Well, there's an hour of my life I'll never get back."  While Oprah is notorious for being easy on her interviews with celebrities I was honestly expecting more from the self-proclaimed queen of all media.  At least for OWN's ratings' sake- we know they need them.  So below I'll break down the interview and what I thought were the biggest omissions, lies, and missed opportunities.

The Fashion
Lindsay Lohan
I'm going to say it.  I like this dress.  Interesting how she dresses more conservatively for her sit-down with Oprah than she has for most of her court appearances, n'est-ce pas?  While her breasts look a bit droopy at least they are covered.  And I'm sure she gained a few well needed lbs and they grew from actually eating now that she's off Adderall, but more on that later.   I'm not a fan of polka dot anything personally, but when I texted my friend "ew" regarding Lohan's black and white polka dot heels, she informed me that it was a very Jackie O pairing.  She's in the fashion industry so I couldn't argue but I still wasn't a fan.  At least "the suspect didn't wear Louboutins," right?  I liked the ponytail so we could see her face,  although it barely moved due to a massive amount of recent post-rehab Botox.  At least I couldn't see a single hair extension track.  Well done!   I could've lived without the blue nail polish, but there was no message on her nails.  I guess we can learn things through jail and court-ordered rehab. All in all, Lohan looked clean and appropriate for her interview with her new sugar mama...I mean...fairy godmother. 

Oprah
Oprah also tried to do her version of a matronly Jackie O.  Her gray sweater was nice and I liked the detail, but it was predictable.  Her hair has been working for her the past few years and she wore it the same way last night.  I'm of the Jennifer Aniston/Gwyneth Paltrow school of style.  When you have a signature look that is working for you for a long period of time, don't fuck with it.  That being said, Oprah's ensemble was more boring than the actual interview.  She may not have wanted to clash with the tangerine queen but some color would have been nice.  Notice the absence of jewelry.  I wonder if that was intentional so LiLo wouldn't be tempted to get her sticky fingers on it.

The Interview
The Intention
I like it when Oprah breaks the forth wall and allows the audience to hear things that she and her subject have spoken about "off camera."  It's a total psychological power play on her part, but a fun one for the audience nonetheless.  Before she started poaching (yes poaching since grilling clearly can't be applied) Lohan she shared that she had asked Lindsay what she hoped to get out of the interview before they started and Lohan's answer was that she wanted people to see the real her.  We're just starting out so I'm going to leave that one alone...

Drugs
Alcohol and Cocaine and Chaos- Oh My!
The pre-commercial break teasers were so good!
"What was your drug of choice?"  "Do you think you're addicted to chaos?"  Oprah had decent questions, but the were answered with lies and there was a serious lack of follow-up. 

Alcohol was Lohan's answer to her drug of choice.  When Oprah asked about cocaine, Lohan sheepishly told her that she'd tried it 10-15 times.  10-15 times?  Excuse me?  Did you mean 10-15 lines?  And was that per hour?  Per day?   What about when you were arrested for DUI and you had a vile of coke in your pants pocked and you insisted to the police that they weren't your pants.  Was that one of the 10-15 times?  And there was no mention of other illegal drugs.  And Oprah didn't push for it.  But if I was a betting woman I would say that BlowHan has for sure tried meth.  Why do the "in-depth" interview when you're just going to lie.  You're a decent actress honey, but you won't be given any awards for this performance because I don't think that anyone is believing the bullshit coming out of your mouth. 

Adderall
You guys, Linds is off Adderall!!  Yes I know this is a controlled substance that's prescribed like candy in LA but it's a pill.  Break it in half and ween yourself off.  She claimed that her being off Adderall was what was different about her coming out of treatment this time as opposed to the other five, six, times...uh-huh.

Chaos
"Are you addicted to chaos," Oprah asked Lindsay.  To which she replied yes. She briefly touched upon the point that she grew up in a very chaotic household, but later pretty much reversed any possible twinge of sympathy the audience was feeling for her when she told Oprah that she didn't feel exploited by her parents or blame them for anything and that her story of her home life is actually "boring" and the media doesn't want to write about it so they write about her other antics instead.

Side Note- While Oprah chronicled Lohan's many trips to rehab she mentioned her first stint at the Wonderland facility in 2007 and Lohan admitted that she voluntarily checked herself in for Ambien because she had a scare and didn't react well.  That was perhaps the one time that Oprah gave Lohan the stank eye and jabbed that it's what most people use just to sleep.  More bullshit.

Her Money
There was talk about her 7 million dollar per picture salary around the time of Just My Luck and Lohan admitted that she wasted it and didn't have anyone advising her financially so she didn't invest it and she blew through it.  There was no mention of Lohan's massive debts to the IRS or how she continued to live an essentially lavish lifestyle despite the fact that she has less money than I do.  Just glossed over that one O.

Her Parents
Since Oprah has 2 million dollars riding on Lohan she wanted the public to fall in love with her again and she gave Lindsay the opportunity to turn on the sympathy tears while discussing her family.  The phone call between LiLo and her father was mentioned where Lindsay called her ever-so-humble father Michael and claimed that her mother Dina was on coke.  Lindsay wished the call had stayed private.  Duh!  And claimed that her statements were false and she said the worst possible thing she could to hurt her mother as they were in the midst of a typical mother/daughter fight.  I don't know about you but I've never accused my mother of being a coke head during a fight.  Have I said some surly things to my mother before? Sure.  But I've never equated her to a drug lord.  But all is fine and once again, Lindsay was never exploited.  Dina must've read her the riot act and told her to keep CPS at bay.  In my opinion, Dina Lohan has less business raising children than Britney Spears did at the time of her meltdown.

Spirituality
Lindsay told Oprah very adamantly that she's a spiritual question.  Why Oprah, for once, did ask a follow-up question and asked her to explain what she meant by that Lohan answered that she prayed and meditated.  I'm sorry but only time this girl has ever meditated is when she's overdosed at the Chateau Marmont and gone towards the white light.

Her Future Plans
Lindsay just wants to get back to work and prove herself.  She wants to be on time and professional and just loves being on set.  Does someone that loves being on set always show up to set late?  I believe that her new movie, The Canyons, made about $30,000 the first weekend it opened on the coasts so I wouldn't put all of your eggs in that basket, darling.


The End
The interview concluded with Oprah basically reading Lohan the riot act about an upcoming trip to Europe less than a week after being released from rehab.  Lohan tried to explain that it was for a yoga/spiritual retreat and while Oprah tried to mask her disapproval of the plan with concern, it was for sure a warning.  

At the end of the interview a title card came on the screen that read, "Two days later, Lindsay Canceled Her Vacation To Europe."

Oprah's Missed Questions
I don't know about you all but one hour sure as hell was not enough to cover all of Lohan's drama.  And while Oprah omitted various aspects of her life completely (lets say it was for time purposes), there were a lot of things she should have touched on.  Girl, it's your network, you couldn't have made it two parts?  Here are the main questions/topics I thought were missing from the interview.

1) Lindsays "Fuck You" Fingernail in court.  While discussing Lohan going to jail, Oprah even rolled footage of Lindsay the day that she had Fuck You written on her fingernail in court.  One would think that Oprah would've asked her why she would do that?  Were you disrespecting the court?  Are you sorry?  Are you just that stupid.  The footage was right there and I was waiting and I got nothing.


2) Her Past Overdoses
Again we have her fame whoring father to thank for this one.  He admitted that Lohan overdosed at 18.  Instead of Oprah asking her if her first DUI arrest was a wake up call, maybe she should have asked her about being on the brink of death, what that was like, and what effect it had on her.

3) Lindsay's Altercation During Her First Stint At Betty Ford
I would've asked Lindsay why she has no respect for authority and why she can't follow the rules and get her sit together even in rehab. 

4) The Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Nicole Richie of it all
There was talk of people being in Lohan's life for the wrong reasons i.e. hangers on but no mention about the toxic friendships with her celeb party pals.

5) Eating disorder
Speaking of Nicole Richie, Oprah never asked Lohan about her fluctuating weight.  Especially when she was a skeleton.  You'd think that someone that spent 25 years on a talk show chronicling people's weight loss and gains she would have at least asked Lindsay if she had an eating disorder.  I'm sure she would've lied and said no.  Or maybe she doesn't and it was just the drugs taking it off and the alcohol's empty calories putting it back on, but she should have asked.

6) Reports That Lindsay Is A High Class Hooker
Again, it's no secret that Lohan has financial troubles.  Hell it's probably the only reason she agreed to do Oprah's docu-series.  2 million bucks baby.  But there have been numerous reports that she's an escort for a variety of Middle Eastern men.  If that was a rumor swirling around about you and your intention for this interview was to clear the air, wouldn't you want the opportunity to deny it?

7) Stealing
With all of Lohan's court dates and trouble with the law were mentioned, there was never a word uttered about stealing.  Not the necklace from the jewelry store, not that Russian girl's coat from a nightclub.  Nada.

8)  Charlie Sheen
How could Oprah NOT have asked anything about her relationship to or with Charlie Sheen?  Well we will never know because she didn't!

The Docu-Series
 Of course before the interview concluded Oprah had to give a plug for their new docu-series that will star Lohan and air on OWN.  If this interview is any indication of what's to come it will be even more staged than Keeping Up With The Kardashians.  Fluff to gain ratings and an attempt for Lohan to attempt to have a presence on the small screen and some money in her bank account.  I'm going to have to say that I will pass on it.

The End 
All in all it was pretty bOring.  It would've been more fun and maybe more in depth if Andy Cohen had done the interview.  Her only demand would have been that they couldn't play "Plead The 5th."  It brings back too many memories for Lohan.  Her mea culpa was mega dull.  While I would never pray for someone to fail at sobriety, I just don't see her new found clarity lasting longer than a necklace at an unattended jewelry store.  She isn't being honest. It's like OJ Simpson syndrome.  I think that he really convinced himself he didn't kill his wife.

On a side note I'd like to take this opportunity to ask Lindsay and Keith Richards as well for their organs when they pass on.  Seems like they're indestructible. 

What did you guys think of the interview?
XO,
Wannabe

Do NOT Take Your Carry-On Lugguage

First off let me start off by saying that the Asiana airplane crash last weekend was horrific!  My condolences to those who lost loved ones.  Today as I was watching The Today Show while procrastinating I heard a story that after the crash there were passengers that were grabbing for their carry-on luggage before they evacuated the plane.  The mention of these passengers was met with contempt.

"How could they?"

"This was a major safety violation."

"They were preventing other passengers from exiting the plane to safety."

While these statements are true, I can't help but wonder if I'm honest with myself if I would've done the same thing.  I've never been in a plane crash.  I'm knocking on my entire wood floor right now.  But after experiencing such a traumatic event and realizing that I'm alive I wonder if I would've gone for my belongings.  Think about it.  You literally see your life flash before your eyes and you're in a state of shock.  And what do people in 2013 cling to?  Their belongings.  We are a materialistic society and the sooner we all admit it the better.  Yes sometimes my life really is better with a new pair of shoes.  Maybe these people had something important in the luggage that was irreplaceable.  I know that doesn't apply to people who grabbed their duty-free purposes but for the sake of humor and to give them the benefit of the doubt maybe they were scared that the copious bottles of vodka would have ignited the flames even more.

It was their security blanket it you can call it that.  I mean thank god Rachel Zoe wasn't on the plane.  aside from her screaming that the crash was "bananas" and grabbing for her vintage garb I don't think her catch phrase "I die" would've been met too kindly.

I'm not condoning this behavior but can we let this slide and stop maligning these people on the national news?  Most of us will hopefully never be in such an intense survival situation.  And there are a few pieces of clothing that I would probably risk my life for.  Kidding.

Hope you're all well.  I know it's been awhile since I posted.  I'm going to try to have some fun posts coming up for you.
XO,
Wannabe

Lindsay Lohan's Courtroom Fashion: A 2013 Analysis

It feels like Lindsay Lohan hasn't actually made an appearance in court since TomKat was still married.   But today she managed to actually attend her court hearing despite the fact that she is "ill" and was in London about 24 hours ago.  And it seems like her lawyer wasn't the only one working on getting Lindsay for court- her stylist was too.  Lindsay graced us with her presence looking runway ready and sporting Celine, Chanel, and Christian (Louboutin).  She should get used to the C word...criminal.  That must be her warped version of lions and tigers and bears.  But, "oh my!"  Lets get into this analysis.

Sunglasses: Celine
LBD: Chanel
Shoes: Christian Louboutin

Where to start?  Well I must admit that this is a huge improvement over what we saw Ms. Lohan wear to court in 2012.  It looks much less like she's going to Bootsy Bellows to drink vodka out of water bottles and more like she's a slutty secretary.  Before I get into the fashion I have a few questions to pose to our favorite former starlet.

Where are you getting the money for these designer duds?  I'm sure that Charlie Sheen didn't pay off your debt to the IRS for you to go shopping.  Are they borrowed?  Are you actually a lady of the evening as so many rumors have implied?  If you are and you did pay for the clothes maybe you should pay everyone that owes you money before you purchase new clothes.  Although I'm not suggesting that you just take items from boutiques and for god's sake not from Saks Fifth Avenue.

So lets kick this off.  The sunglasses I'm fine with.  I don't see anything particularly interesting about them.  Aside from the fact that they are probably helping her messy birds nest weave stay in place.  You'd think she would get a blow out, or at least brush her hair.  Hopefully she at least took a Mexican shower.  It also appears that she has a necklace stuffed into her dress.

Ah the dress.  Chanel.  Remember when Lindsay had a SCRAM anklet and she begged Chanel to send her decorative stickers to make it look nice?  Well Chanel didn't exactly take a high speed car chase down the PCH to rush and help her out and I'm sure they aren't thrilled that she wore their label to court.  The dress itself is nice but it doesn't seem to fit her that well.  I guess she didn't have time to get it tailored since she wasn't even planning on attending this shin dig since they don't have a step & repeat at court.

I love all things Louboutin but enough with wearing the $1300 shoes to court.  They are great shoes that would be nice on anyone else in any other circumstance.  But Ms. Lohan is one slick sucker and I'm sure she's hiding something in those platforms.  Or she wouldn't mind kicking anyone while their back was turned to knock them down and take their fur coat that "was hers in the first place."

Also, notice that she isn't carrying a purse...

Lindsay Lohan and her new attorney, Mark Heller

I had to add this photo because Lindsay's "attorney", who isn't even licensed to practice law in the state of California is rocking a Louis Vuitton brief case.  Because nothing says, "I respect the criminal justice system" or cures the Napoleonic complex that he surely has like a flashy designer suitcase to organize all of your depositions, motions, and files.  He looks even more foolish than Lindsay.  Although I will say his suit seems well tailored...

That's all for now.  I'll be back with another analysis for her trial date, March 18th.  I might even make a morning cocktail and crash a Porsche before I analyze her outfit.  PS Lindsay go from The Canyons The Court House... we think that James Deen would make a fabulous court accessory.  Especially if you have a female judge.

xoxo,
Wannabe

Out Of Sight....

Hello Readers!  I know that I haven't posted on this site in over a year...shame on me.  But I've been going out, living life, and gathering material for some great new posts for 2013.  I have also been writing for a great site called The Blowoff (www.theblowoff.com) so if you were desperately missing my wit, you can check out some posts of mine on that site.  And you can also follow me on Twitter: @20LAWannabe .  Best wishes to all for this holiday season and a Happy New Year and I hope that you all have some unforgettable moments...even if you're too drunk to actually remember them yourselves. 

XO,
Wannabe

ANOTHER Analysis of Lindsay Lohan's Courtroom Fashion

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Hopefully 30 days behind bars will give Lindsay a chance to catch up on reading W, Vogue, & Harpers Bazaar (assuming she can read). This outfit makes her looked like a cracked out Lucy Ricardo. Honey, Ricky, Fred, & Ethel peaced out on you long ago. First off, the polka dots do not make you look more innocent. They more look like spots of cocaine you forgot to wipe off your blue dress. Another Chanel bag, isn't going to gain the sympathy of the judge, because she probably doesn't earn enough money to even buy one for herself. And the neckline is totally wrong. Not only does it make your boobs look like one giant uniboob, but if you wanted some sympathy, you shoulda shown a little cleave. The glasses and hair are just bad and I'll leave it at that, because I've already given you a tongue lashing...and I have a feeling you can be expecting a lot more of those in prison. I hope that while you're eating your faux turkey meal in the slammer on Thanksgiving you'll be thankful for the fact that you have designer clothes given to you (although god only knows why at this point), and you will start making an effort. Maybe an early 2012 resolution...besides staying off drugs and out of jail.

Wishing you well on your mini-vacay starting Nov. 9th.

XO,

Wannabe

Don't Call Me A Party Girl

The term "party girl" is basically the new socially acceptable way to say drunken slut. It sounds casual and colloquial, but make no mistake, this is now a derogatory character description. But what exactly is a party girl? Is a party girl someone that goes out with their friends? Is a party girl the girl that becomes the sloppy mess falling the the club? Is a party girl the girl that goes out to look for a hook up? Or can the party girl just be a girl who doesn't want to sit at home on the weekends? Listen, all of the above can describe any girl. Some girls are just better about keeping their activities surreptitious. A guy is basically asking to figure out whether or not he will be able to fuck you the same night that he meets you. But just because you go out doesn't mean that you are a "party girl" in the inebriated whore way. I hate it when people ask me "are you a party girl?" Do you mean I like to be social? Or do you mean that if you buy me two drinks I will come out of my dress faster than cocaine goes up Lindsay Lohan's nose? Just because I go to a club doesn't mean I'm going to give you a lap dance to the new Rihanna song or pour shots in my mouth straight from the bottle. Based on this new social stigma my options are apparently 1) sitting at home watching a Pretty Little Liars marathon On Demand with a pint of Ben&Jerry's (which let me tell you, some nights sounds like a fabulous option), or 2) going out to enjoy myself with my friends and basically being branded with a Scarlett A. I'm onto you. This "party girl" stigma is NO compliment. Sticks and stones my break bones but words and assumptions are much more deadly. Don't lump us all in as party girls because we enjoy a drink and an evening away from our couch. That is all.

XO,
Wannabe

Lindsay Lohan Courtroom Fashion: An Analysis Part 2

Lets start from top to bottom, because I have too much to say and I want to keep my thoughts organized.

Hair

I'd like to perform my own community service and alert all of my readers that for ten years now, Goody, and various other hair accessory companies have been making clear, yes, clear, hair ties! I know, the things they can accomplish with technology these days. Stop wearing a black hair tie when you have blonde hair (or weave). It looks tickity tacky. Also, you've done a lot of blow in your day, and now it's time for a blow out. It would be great if you could run some shampoo and conditioner through those extensions before they get even more matted together.

Make Up

I'm not going to say that I hate the make up. Ok, who are we kidding? Of course I will. But it isn't appropriate for the daytime. No one needs to wear that much blush unless you're performing on Dancing With The Stars. And cool it with the Dior Show. We all like mascara but there's a fine line, honey.

Accessories

The Scarf

I will never understand wearing sleeveless clothing and then a scarf around your neck. If anything, you lose warmth from your head first, so she could've benefitted from a fedora or a J-Lo/Kardashian style floppy hat. The only reason to wear a scarf when wearing a sleeveless dress is to cover up hickeys or vampire bites- and I think Rob Pattinson has kept a very safe distance from Ms. Lohan at all times. Yes, it's foggy and 61 degrees F in LA right now but you could've worn a dress with sleeves if you were concerned about the temperature. Not only is the scarf not necessary, but it's the same color as the dress. Couldn't we have gotten a blush pink or baby blue. She clearly doesn't have the money to go tanning anymore so we need to do something about that pasty skin tone. Or ask your Sevyn Nine line to send you some tan in a can. Because you probably aren't allowed inside a Sephora.

The Earrings

These (what appear to be) floral shaped studs are ok. I'm assuming they probably came from XIV Karats or they were a "gift" as she isn't allowed anywhere near the store in Venice she stole from. On second thought, probably good she was wearing the scarf so she wasn't wearing anymore potential evidence for the court.

The Bag

I like this bag. It's Chanel. What's not to like? And you can never go wrong with metallics- especially gold. And nothing says I'm a law abiding citizen like a sick slouchy purse. And she will probably have gold teeth soon from her next visit to the slammer, so she will be color coordinated.

Dress

Fuck winter white. I mean, who does she think she's fooling with this dress. Yes, it's more court appropriate and a bit more demure...but you aren't exactly Doris fucking Day, Lindsay. Everyone sees right through you (and for your sake I hope you're wearing a bra and thong this time). The "good girl" Fendi white angelic dress isn't going to change anyone's mind. Hopefully you're focusing more on Fendi than felonies these days. A for effort, though.

Jewelry

The black bracelet is hideous. BUT, it does match her rotting teeth. Perhaps our girl LL didn't want to be berated again for wearing something too nice since the Louboutin episode at her last appearance. As Carla Gugino aka Cheeka Barnfeld stated in Troop Beverly Hills "Too many accessories clutter an outfit." Ditch the bracelet and stop being an accessory to crime!

Shoes

I adore these Giuseppe Zanotti peep-toe shoes. Again, I'm a huge fan of metallics anytime, any place. And it's hard to go wrong with a platform and stiletto heel. These can also be used as a weapon in an escape attempt or could be traded for a pack of Parliment Lights inside. And kudos for matching them with the bag. Too bad these belong on the red carpet instead of being caught red handed for being kicked out of your probation program.

Lindz added a last minute accessory of handcuffs at the end of her hearing. Tisk, tisk. The only place the cuffs are a chic accessory is in the bedroom. Faux pas!

Overall, I'm not a huge fan of this look. Lindsay Lohan needs to stick to what she does best...leggings and plaid button down shirts. The, I just fucked a guy for a rock of meth look is really your bread and butter. Let Leighton Meester do the Upper East Side look. It doesn't work for you.

Her hearing is set for Nov 2nd. I can't wait to see what she turns up in then. And lets keep our fingers crossed that it spans multiple days so we can get even more Lindsay Lohan courtroom fashion.

Did you like today's ensemble? Was it more Elle magazine or Elle Woods?

XO,

Wannabe

Courtroom Fashion: The Amanda Knox Edition

From Foxy Knoxy to Very Sloppy to Celebrity Copy

Here's Amanda Knox before she went on her semester abroad in Italy in 2007. While this outfit is beyond questionable, lets keep in mind that she is a twenty-year-old from Seattle, WA. To me, this screams "I shop at Hot Topic and love my ironic Care Bears t-shirt." I don't know how she was dubbed "Foxy Knoxy" looking at this ensemble, but she could have had a banging bod underneath.
Uh, oh...Amanda's in trouble. Girl loves her green, huh? The coat is hideous but even worse are the police escort accessories. Bad girls are hot, but accused murderers are another story. Perhaps she was trying to debunk the "Foxy Knoxy" promiscuity rumors because, girl, there's nothing hot about a plastic bag. You're in Italy! There's got to be a Prada outlet somewhere near Perugia, right??
When I first saw this picture, my first thought was is this a skirt or shorts. That is never a good sign. Amanda, get your act together. Can you request a copy of Vogue with your visitor's rights? I get that you need to be modest, but again, you're in ITALY for christ's sake. The fashion capital of the world...AND your photos in court are serviced all over the world and on the internet. Step it up.
This isn't my favorite, but it's an improvement. Very J.Crew looking. How jealy do you think she is that the officer holding her has a red mani? I bet your cuticles get super narsty in the clink.
Finally! Something camera-worthy! Loving the shirt, girl! And you've been studying those Italian models. Your pout looks fierce. Remember girl, smize!
I'm going to cut Amanda some slack. I'm sure there's no deep conditioning treatment in jail. And blow dryers are probably a no-no as well. Sometimes you have to cut it all off to start over again. I wouldn't re-visit this haircut if I were her, but since it was probably necessary, I'm gonna say she has a Demi Moore/Ghost thing going on.
Well, looky here! That blush pink really compliments her skin tone and I'm loving the neckline. NOW I see a glimpse of Foxy Knoxy.
Freedom is the hottest ensemble and here's Amanda begging for hers. I'm assuming she wanted the court to focus on her words and not her appearance. Bravo for knowing when less is more.
Hey girl hey! Is that Nicole Richie? Overdsized sweater, leggings, flat boots! Now, a free woman, Amanda is looking like a star. It will only be a matter of time before Rachel Zoe comes calling. This is a paparazzi ready outfit. Kudos.

While the outfit is fab, I have to call out the scrunchie. I know she was away for four years, but she is aware this isn't 1992. The white scrunchie looks like a messed up version of a hair wrap (remember those???). Because you had a long journey home from Italy, I will let it slide. But consider this your warning from the fashion police.

Amanda's ordeal in Italy was terrible, but at least spending some time in one of the fashion capitals of the world gave her some sick style. I think we have a future fashionista in the making. Congratulations on your freedom Amanda. Time to head to the mall!

XO,

Wannabe

Diet Like A Star

Want to look like a star? Go from this (photo of Lindsay Lohan where she looked healthy, hot, and thin) to this (photo of Lindsay Lohan with her puffy face and under eye bags) in just a matter of weeks. Try the celebrity tested Chateau Marmont diet. This simple diet plan consists of 3 packs of Parliment Lights each day to be smoked at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all hours in between, vodka cocktails, and of course the Chateau's famous Spaghetti Bolgenese. Can't get a res at The Chateau? No problem. Here's our make it at home version of the cocktail and Blogenese. For faster results, omit the Blogenese all together. For fitness, throw cocktails in your ex-lover's face as often as possible and arrive at nightclubs you've been banned from so you will have to walk away for some extra cardio.

Vodka Cocktail

2 oz vodka

3 oz soda water

1 Klonopin crushed (optional)

Bolgenese

Ingredients

2 ounces dried porcini mushrooms, wiped of grit

1/4 pound pancetta or slab bacon, finely chopped

1 medium onion, finely chopped

2 celery stalks, finely chopped

2 carrots, finely chopped

5 garlic cloves, minced

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for drizzling

2 bay leaves

2 sprigs rosemary

1 1/2 pound ground pork

1 1/2 pound ground beef

2 cups milk

1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

2 cups dry red wine

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 pound dry tagiatelle pasta

Freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, for serving

1 handful fresh basil leaves

Fresh ricotta cheese

Directions

Reconstitute the mushrooms in boiling water for 20 minutes until tender, drain and coarsely chop.

Puree the mushrooms, pancetta, onion, celery stalks, carrots, garlic, together in a blender.

In a heavy-bottomed pot add olive oil, bay leaves, herbs and cook gently until fragrant, then add vegetable puree and continue to cook for a further 5 to 10 minutes.

Raise the heat a bit and add the ground pork and beef; brown until the meat is no longer pink, breaking up the clumps with a wooden spoon. Add the milk and simmer until the liquid is evaporated, about 10 minutes. Carefully pour in the tomatoes, and wine and season with salt and pepper. Bring the sauce to a boil, then lower the heat and cover. Slowly simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, stirring now and then, until the sauce is very thick. Taste again for salt and pepper.

When you are ready to serve, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, add the pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until tender yet firm (as they say in Italian "al dente"). Drain the pasta well and toss with the Bolognese sauce.

How do YOU diet?

XO,

Wannabe

Namaste

Namaste. Namaste. Namaste! I must say this 50+ times a day. I guess I think that the more you say it the more chance it has of working. But I'll be honest, I think it's my "serenity now", so see you all at Bellevue in the next five years. I practice yoga. Not as often as I'd like to, or as I should. But I never get that zen vibe from it. I always feel like I'm doing something good for my body but I never feel that equilibrium.

My mother was recovering from surgery and her insurance covered private yoga teacher/therapist told her that yoga was as stress relieving as 1/10th of Xanex. That it was the natural form released by your body. Well, I don't know if this lady has had grade A pharmaceutical Xanex but that is bullshit. I've never felt as calm on anything as I do on Xanex. It's not that I was to be a pill popper, despite my name, but I tried it the natural way and it has never worked.

Whenever something goes wrong in my day I say to myself (or blurt out loud depending on how critical the situation is) namaste!!! I'm still holding out hope that one day it will work- or at least lower my blood pressure.

Do you have any tricks for staying calm when shit hits the fan?

XO,

Wannabe

Is It Ever OK To Steal?

Thou shalt not steal is the eighth commandment. I thought it was first, but thank you Google, and sorry years of Sunday School spent wishing I was at the park playing like normal kids. But, God's sidekick Moses brought down some stone tablets told us we better whip our asses into shape. But that was like forever ago. A lot has changed. When commandments meant something Real Housewives were people who actually cooked and cleaned for their families.

So, is it ever ok to steal? The only time I ever want to is at the hair salon. Walking into the closet at my fancy Beverly Hills salon is very tempting. There's Missoni, Chanel, and Prada...oh my! They are all arranged on wood hangers just lounging there until their owner comes to pick them up. I'd never actually take anything but the thought always crosses my mind. I mean, that Rebecca Taylor leopard cashmere sweater would just go so perfectly with the jeans I have on. And it seems like stealing gets you in a minimal amount of trouble these days (if you get caught). Hi Lindsay and Winona. Yeah, I'm talking about you.

I find it even more fascinating that now-a-days, it's people who have the money to actually purchase these items that are getting a cheap thrill from swiping them. It's OK if it crosses your mind. And I'll say up front if I ever see a pair of size 37.5 Louboutins laying around in the street like a lost wallet they might not be going back to their owner...but if you take something that's something you aspire to have, what do you have left to work for. That Birkin bag will mean so much more when you've accomplished a task to earn it than if you got a five finger discount.

So, I think thou shalt not steal is pretty right on. I mean there isn't a commandment about fantasizing about it. That's what makes us human.

Have you ever stolen? What would you fantasize about stealing? High-end jewel heist? Or a priceless Banksy?

XO,

Wannabe

Things I Learned At The Club Over The Weekend

You'd think I'd have it all figured out by this point, but sometimes I still learn lessons about life...at the club. It may sound shallow, but think about it. There's no better social microcosm where people are in their least inhibited state. I hope these are as useful for you guys as they were for me.

NOTE: These may only be applicable to Los Angeles but, if you live somewhere else, they are worth a shot!

1. I Need To Dress Sluttier

Nice guys may finish last, but you know who always finishes first? Girls who dress slutty! This weekend, I was in my phase where I had to be out at "the club" but I didn't feel like getting all dolled up. I decided to go for skinny jeans, a sheer black top, and a black bra. If I went into a house of worship dressed like that I would've immediately burst into flames, but on the nightlife scene I might as well have been wearing a burka. Less than a handful (the actual number is actually embarrassing so I don't want to put it out there) talked to me. Really? I don't get these blond hair extensions sewn into my head for nothing. Meanwhile, it looked like Forever 21 exploded up in there. The girls in the polyester and latex mini dresses got all of the attention. Before any of you say it, I know...it's not like I'd want those guys who were interested in those type of girls...but I wanted their attention in the moment. Needless to say, a shopping trip might be in order. Goodbye Gucci, hello clothes that are glued together by starving children in the Philippines.

2. Hanging Out With Celebrities Sometimes Makes You Even More Anonymous

This is LA. Partying with someone that was in a Marvel superhero movie isn't exactly a unique experience. Sometimes, it's fun though. Especially when everyone at your table is a notable actor and they are all seemingly unattached- except for when none of them acknowledge your existence. Lets be clear, I'm not a star fucker. Not by occupation, anyway. But when they all congregate in front of you and you might as well be invisible, it sucks. No thank you! I'd rather hang out with the other people (not the Forever 21 hos mentioned above) that at least talk to me to try to get me into bed. Ignoring someone whether you're famous or not...how rude!

3. Girls Lie

Jealy that your bestie told you she made out with Leo post-Bar, pre-Blake? Want to gauge your eyes out because your co-worker said Jared Leto asked for her number? Don't pack up your apartment, take a vow of silence, and move to Bhutan just yet...they are probably LYING. What likely happened is Justin Timberlake accidentally spilled his drink on her when he was drunk, she tried to strike up a conversation, and he muttered how that alcohol was wasted under his breath. For some reason, I've come into contact with a lot of girls lying about their dalliances with celebrity men. What's the point? It's not like we won't see a paparazzi photo of them making out with Olivia Wilde (lets not pretend that she's not fucking all of the guys she claims she's just friends with) in a week. Who are you fooling? Lets stop the lies and focus on things that are important, like dieting.

I hope you will find these helpful. Stay tuned for what I learn at the club this week. Have you learned any lessons from the Gods Of Nightlife?

XO,

Wannabe

Do You Ever Feel Like Someone Else Has Stolen Your Life?

I really hate it when people pretend like everything is perfect in their life just for appearances. Lets be honest, NOBODY is happy with everything. And if you are and you are in your twenties you must be some kind of freak of nature. A lucky freak of nature, but one nonetheless. I'd rather be upfront with my friends. My relationships aren't what I want them to be or I thought I'd be in a different place in my life by this age. Then, sometimes I see people who have exactly what I want that are my age- and even more vomit inducing, younger.

Before you say anything, I get it. The way they look to me on the outside might not be how they actually are. At this point, I'll take the facade. I just don't understand how things are happening for these other people and not for myself. I'm the biggest believer that you are the only one who has the power to change your own life. But what happens when the changes you try to make don't work and leave you feeling well, powerless. I don't want to hop on the bitter train, but sometimes it's really hard to make sense of it all. I want to fulfill myself in all of these ways but I keep trying different tactics to make changes and when there aren't any results it feels like I'm banging my head against a wall. What's worse, is having to see other people that are somehow successfully making these changes and excelling. Sometimes I feel like they stole the life I was supposed to have like when Dr. Evil stole Austin Powers's mojo.

How do you keep yourself out of a funk when nothing you're doing is working? Do you guys ever feel this way? Do you have any tips on what to do when it's getting you down?

xo,

Wannabe

Is It Ever A Good Idea To Revisit Your Past?

I will admit. Sometimes I suck at boy stuff. I'm really bad at letting things happen naturally and just run their course. Nine times out of ten I try to manipulate a situation to insure the outcome that I want. Fact: this had NEVER worked. Not once. It always ends up blowing up in my face. Yet I still continue to do it. I think I need to take a look at the saying they use in AA. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." I've never been to AA but they seem to know what they are talking about. I'm also a fan of their serenity prayer and they usually have hot guys standing outside of the Robertson Blvd location (you Angeleanos know what I'm talking about) and it's cheaper than buying copies of The Secret and The Power.

Anyway, sometimes when things don't work out with a new guy I'm talking to I like to go back to the past. Try and see what's going on with guys that I have had something with in the past that didn't work out. Why, I don't know. If it didn't work out then there's no logical reason why it should work now. Sure there's timing. But again if something is meant to be it's meant to be and I shouldn't manipulate it, right?

I (very recently) did this when I realized that the person was no longer attached. I was really nervous as it had been a long time but what could a friendly drink hurt? I had a much better time than I thought and now I'm even more confused.

So, is it a good idea to go back to your past? Does it stop is from moving forward? For me, the jury's still out. What do you think?

xo,

Wannabe

I Want To Be The Fairest Of Them All- A Response To Apocalypstick's Post

I was reading my good friend Apocalystick's blog last night and she had written a new post called Mirror Error. She posted about not being happy about the way she looked and wasn't looking for compliments to pour in, but rather to vent about how she was feeling about herself.

You can read Mirror Error here: http://apocalypstick.com/2011/08/22/mirror-error/

Some of the comments told her (and her readers) how damaging celebrity culture and women in the media are. How that look isn't attainable and how we can't compare ourselves to celebrities. While I agree with the comments that being "you" is a gift and that you should celebrate your uniqueness it got me thinking.

I will admit it. I want the body of a celebrity. I want to be a celebrity. I diet, exercise, and obsess daily about my body. My ideal changes weekly. Sometimes it's Fergie (singer, not the Duchess), Nicole Richie, Jessica Biel, and a variety of others. Yes, it is very difficult to both attain and maintain that type of body- but it is possible and if you want it and are willing to work for it I don't see a problem with that. I want to look the best that I can look. Why should I chalk it up to "oh they're famous"? To me that's saying that they are different than I am, which clearly I don't believe. They may be in a different place in their career at the moment but we are all the same and if they can do it, so can I.

I have one friend who I love very dearly and is the closest thing I will every have to a sibling. But she's always telling me to stop worrying so much about my career when I'm staying up late rehearsing for an audition or writing a new script all night. But it is people that go that extra mile that end up making it, at least in the industry I want to be in. Nobody is forcing me to do this. This is the life and career path that I've chosen and why shouldn't I want to make it to the top? I don't want to meander in the middle somewhere. Yes, I watch what I eat everyday. I turn down a lot of nights out to stay in and work on projects. But I don't think I should be judged for wanting more.

Mediocrity is fine with some people. They want their 9-5PM job and make enough money to be comfortable. I don't judge them for that. So I shouldn't be judged for wanting the best in life. The best body, the best career, the best boyfriend. I don't want to settle for anything.

Sometimes it's OK to want to change things about yourself. And we all have the power to control and change those things. Thanks Apocalypstick! And btw you're super hot!

XO,

Wannabe

When Does Slutty Become Too Slutty?

Please excuse the lack of a photo. None seemed to fit appropriately.

Sometimes ALL girls want to ho it up. Not necessarily with their actions but with the way they dress. It can be nice to get attention. But lately I've wrestled with the question how slutty is too slutty? I am a fan of the "classy slutty" look. Kind of a Carrie Bradshaw mets Kate Moss sort of thing. My personal signature look usually has to do with denim on the bottom, white t-shirt, black bra, and heels. It doesn't sound that bad, right? But I was debating the length of the jean shorts was wearing the other night. I was comfortable in it but that doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate to wear in public. To be honest the more appropriate pair almost seemed matronly in length compared to the others. So, what to do? When does slutty become too slutty. And how do you know?

What do you think is too slutty?

xo,

Wannabe

*Side Note: When you Google image "slutty" the first pictures that come up are of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, & Miley Cyrus. Interesting....

Things That Every Girl Needs In Her Purse in 2011

A friend of mine used to have a great acronym for everything she needed in her bag when she left the house: MILK

Money

ID

Lipstick

Keys

Unfortunately this was invented in the late 90's and she had to make a few additions, so MILK became MCMILK- like Ronald McDonald's partying firecrotch cousin.

Mints

Cell Phone (applicable to BlackBerry, IPhone, and all smart phones now)

Money

ID

Lipstick

Keys

I always followed this rule when going out and for the most part, I was covered. But as my life and partying progressed, I realized that there were some things that I needed that weren't on the list.

Pen

A pen is necessary for a variety of reasons, signing your bar bill receipt, signing your traffic ticket, and the most important, leaving your number behind in the morning. I recently found myself in a predicament without a pen and it was a disaster. After a rendez-vous with a very nice guy I woke up circa 6AM. As I'm a fidgeter - nor do I do awkward mornings I wanted to get the hell out of there. I wanted to be polite and leave my number so I looked in my Lauren Merkin clutch and there was no pen. I scoured his apartment- which was very informative by the way- to find a writing utensil. Finally after 20 minutes, I found a pen near the bar area. The only paper I found was the back of a Target receipt, but in a pinch, anything will do. I courteously left my number behind and I actually received a text soon after slinking out. Manners intact and a new relationship on the horizon, check!

Tide To-Go Stick

I'm a relatively new convert to the portable stain stick movement but I must say that I encourage all of you to join the cause as well. Recently, there was an incident with In-N-Out Burger (it was protein style- so don't judge!) and an Elizabeth & James cocktail dress. I hadn't even notice until I'd gotten out of the car and a friend pointed it out. I was mortified and thought I could cover the bottom of my dress by holding my clutch just so. Not the case. After the field test we realized something had to be done before reaching our final destination. Answer, 24 Hour CVS. Solution, Tide Stick T0-Go. This thing worked wonders and literally took the stain away within minutes. Do NOT freak out that there's a giant wet spot for 5 minutes. It subsides and takes the evidence of in-car gluttony away.

Cash

I know money is written above in both MILK and MCMILK but money can pertain to anything. Credit Cards, Checks, Travelers Checks, Starbucks Cards, Gift Cards. It is important that you're always carrying cold hard cash. There are some emergencies and situations in which only cash will suffice and they usually occur after 2AM.

Optional: Camera, (in case you get that rare opportunity to get a picture with Justin Timberlake and that BlackBerry just won't cut it), Pepper Spray, Birth Control

What do you always have in your purse?

XO,

Wannabe

Lobster And Rose: An Ode To Summer

Every summer I try to make a list of fun things I have to do while the warm months are upon us. Clearly that summer fling with Ryan Gosling isn't happening this year. I always succumb to the marketing geniuses around that time. Every women's magazine features the perfect outfit and accessories for the beach, the outdoor concert festival, a summer BBQ, and your exotic trip to Bali. If everyone at these magazines is doing all of this stuff, shouldn't I be doing it? I mean, I live in LA and how often to I get to Malibu? I start to feel the pressure of summer to have fun and take advantage of all of the opportunities around and it stresses me the fuck out! This summer I had two main goals:

1) See a movie at Hollywood Forever Cemetery- Check! Saw Heathers so fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

2) Water Park- I know they're technically disgusting and full with who knows what kind of germs. But I thought it was be an easy way to re-capture my youth with a AAA discount. This item is still pending.

I don't have the time or money quite frankly to complete all of the picture-esq activities that my heart desires so I made a compromise with myself. I decided to indulge in the two things that are my absolute favorite about summer. Yes. Oprah style. If I could give these to you my readers you would probably be pissed you weren't walking away with a free trip to Australia, but in Wannabe World they suffice. Drum roll please! My two summer must haves are: Lobster and Rose!

Lobster

There is NO way to go wrong here. Of course my favorite was to eat lobster during the summer is in "roll" form. The buttered split roll is perfection (and in my mind it's also carb-less). Then you have chunks of buttery lobster meat (tail and claw preferred) doused in either butter or mayo adorning the roll. If you haven't already and you live in LA, check out the Lobsta Truck so you can feel like it's summer all year round: www.lobstatruck.com

While the lobster roll is my favorite I also enjoy it in burger, salad, and free form. Nothing says summer like those claw-y creatures red delicious meat. Shoot me now PETA. And what alcoholic beverage goes oh-so-well with this sweet and savory seafood???

Rose
Rose. You are perfect. You are almost like a blend of red and white wine. Clearly I'm not a wine expert but I know what I like. You are light and airy and crisp all in one sip. And lets get real...I can suck down a glass real fast. Though it tends to have a lower alcohol content it's OK because you can drink more, easily. The chilled wine goes perfectly with the heat and humidity and because it's so drinkable it's perfect for cocktail hour on the porch (aka I sit on the bench alone in front of my building), or with a meal. Preferably containing lobster.

So, don't let the bourgeois marketing companies let you believe that you aren't living up to your full summer potential. Zero in on the few activities you want to do while the weather is warm and then find out what summer means to you. And if you want my opinion, sit back, relax, and enjoy some lobster and rose.

What are your summer must-haves?

XO,

Wannabe

Lindsay Lohan's Courtroom Fashion: An Analysis

May 24, 2010Ah, the beginning. Doesn't this seem like so long ago? When Lindsay was only an addict and not a thief. This must be what people mean when referring to the "good ole days". Her outfit is alarmingly appropriate. Her boobs are covered (mostly) and she chose a demure black pantsuit to show her respect for the judge and the legal process.

July 6, 2010
The cockiness begins. Who needs to wear binding tailored clothes to court? This is Lindsay before and orange jumpsuit was her only option for 30 days. This outfit says "I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm collected and I'm going to beat the system motherfuckers!

July 20, 2010
The difference a few days makes. On her return appearance to court a mere two weeks later, Lindsay said fuck you to Saks (hey they prosecuted Winona Ryder- probably best she got out when she did) and hello to generic (what color is that even??? moss mixed w/ charcoal?) t-shirt that Target would be ashamed to acknowledge that they made. This choice was probably made a night after she was pretending to audition for a guest star roll on Breaking Bad and she did too much "research". The outfit sucks- plain and simple. But homegirl knows how to accessorize. See below.

Sept 24, 2010
Nothing like some time in the clink to make you appreciate italian fabrics, cashmere, and tailoring. Our girl LL got it together, somewhat, to channel her version of Marilyn Monroe (even if she isn't wearing her 6126 line as an homage to the star). Hey the last two ensembles of shitty t-shirts didn't help so maybe the pleated knee length skirt would. She may not have ended up back in prison, but she should've been arrested by the fashion police.

Oct 22, 2010
Who even remembers why she was there this time? The court case is just as forgettable as this outfit.

Feb 9, 2011
Dress: Kimberly Ovitz

This is hot. Plain and simple. I don't care if she was going to court. This outfit is perfect ANYWHERE. Church/Temple/Wherever Scientologists gather? Check! Grocery shopping? Check! Dinner and drugs at The Chateau Marmont? Check. I choose to overlook the inappropriateness and hip hugging nature and give into the silhouette for style. A+ Linds! Is that the first time you've ever seen that next to your name?

March 10, 2011

Dress:Raquel Allegra

Shoes: Chanel

Sunglasses: Christian Dior

Once again...flawless. Perhaps not for being berated by the justice system. But if you're going to get in trouble, you might as well look hot doing it.

July 22, 2011
Shoes: Christian Louboutin

Cost: $1200 + mental clarity due to lack of therapy funds

First off, the shoes could be "borrowed" like the necklace she was accused of taking. Second of all, I would much rather buy Louboutins then have to talk about my problems- unless they're giving me the good meds. Well done Lindsay. I'm never one to blame a girl for trying. Might be time for a new weave though.

Accesorizing

Everyone is all into those shellack and gel manicures these days but lets be honest- Lindsay kicked off the nail niche. She's an actress and needs to express her true emotions. And sometimes nothing other than "fuck u" will suffice. Loving the pastel color scheme underneath the writing. Wonder if she was able to hide any blow under the fingernail.

What's your favorite outfit Lindsay wore to court? What do you think she should wear for her court appearance in October? Lets all get our paper dolls out.

XO,

Wannabe