Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Lindsay Lohan's Courtroom Fashion: A 2013 Analysis

It feels like Lindsay Lohan hasn't actually made an appearance in court since TomKat was still married.   But today she managed to actually attend her court hearing despite the fact that she is "ill" and was in London about 24 hours ago.  And it seems like her lawyer wasn't the only one working on getting Lindsay for court- her stylist was too.  Lindsay graced us with her presence looking runway ready and sporting Celine, Chanel, and Christian (Louboutin).  She should get used to the C word...criminal.  That must be her warped version of lions and tigers and bears.  But, "oh my!"  Lets get into this analysis.

Sunglasses: Celine
LBD: Chanel
Shoes: Christian Louboutin

Where to start?  Well I must admit that this is a huge improvement over what we saw Ms. Lohan wear to court in 2012.  It looks much less like she's going to Bootsy Bellows to drink vodka out of water bottles and more like she's a slutty secretary.  Before I get into the fashion I have a few questions to pose to our favorite former starlet.

Where are you getting the money for these designer duds?  I'm sure that Charlie Sheen didn't pay off your debt to the IRS for you to go shopping.  Are they borrowed?  Are you actually a lady of the evening as so many rumors have implied?  If you are and you did pay for the clothes maybe you should pay everyone that owes you money before you purchase new clothes.  Although I'm not suggesting that you just take items from boutiques and for god's sake not from Saks Fifth Avenue.

So lets kick this off.  The sunglasses I'm fine with.  I don't see anything particularly interesting about them.  Aside from the fact that they are probably helping her messy birds nest weave stay in place.  You'd think she would get a blow out, or at least brush her hair.  Hopefully she at least took a Mexican shower.  It also appears that she has a necklace stuffed into her dress.

Ah the dress.  Chanel.  Remember when Lindsay had a SCRAM anklet and she begged Chanel to send her decorative stickers to make it look nice?  Well Chanel didn't exactly take a high speed car chase down the PCH to rush and help her out and I'm sure they aren't thrilled that she wore their label to court.  The dress itself is nice but it doesn't seem to fit her that well.  I guess she didn't have time to get it tailored since she wasn't even planning on attending this shin dig since they don't have a step & repeat at court.

I love all things Louboutin but enough with wearing the $1300 shoes to court.  They are great shoes that would be nice on anyone else in any other circumstance.  But Ms. Lohan is one slick sucker and I'm sure she's hiding something in those platforms.  Or she wouldn't mind kicking anyone while their back was turned to knock them down and take their fur coat that "was hers in the first place."

Also, notice that she isn't carrying a purse...

Lindsay Lohan and her new attorney, Mark Heller

I had to add this photo because Lindsay's "attorney", who isn't even licensed to practice law in the state of California is rocking a Louis Vuitton brief case.  Because nothing says, "I respect the criminal justice system" or cures the Napoleonic complex that he surely has like a flashy designer suitcase to organize all of your depositions, motions, and files.  He looks even more foolish than Lindsay.  Although I will say his suit seems well tailored...

That's all for now.  I'll be back with another analysis for her trial date, March 18th.  I might even make a morning cocktail and crash a Porsche before I analyze her outfit.  PS Lindsay go from The Canyons The Court House... we think that James Deen would make a fabulous court accessory.  Especially if you have a female judge.