Monday, September 26, 2011

Things I Learned At The Club Over The Weekend

You'd think I'd have it all figured out by this point, but sometimes I still learn lessons about the club. It may sound shallow, but think about it. There's no better social microcosm where people are in their least inhibited state. I hope these are as useful for you guys as they were for me.

NOTE: These may only be applicable to Los Angeles but, if you live somewhere else, they are worth a shot!

1. I Need To Dress Sluttier
Nice guys may finish last, but you know who always finishes first? Girls who dress slutty! This weekend, I was in my phase where I had to be out at "the club" but I didn't feel like getting all dolled up. I decided to go for skinny jeans, a sheer black top, and a black bra. If I went into a house of worship dressed like that I would've immediately burst into flames, but on the nightlife scene I might as well have been wearing a burka. Less than a handful (the actual number is actually embarrassing so I don't want to put it out there) talked to me. Really? I don't get these blond hair extensions sewn into my head for nothing. Meanwhile, it looked like Forever 21 exploded up in there. The girls in the polyester and latex mini dresses got all of the attention. Before any of you say it, I's not like I'd want those guys who were interested in those type of girls...but I wanted their attention in the moment. Needless to say, a shopping trip might be in order. Goodbye Gucci, hello clothes that are glued together by starving children in the Philippines.

2. Hanging Out With Celebrities Sometimes Makes You Even More Anonymous
This is LA. Partying with someone that was in a Marvel superhero movie isn't exactly a unique experience. Sometimes, it's fun though. Especially when everyone at your table is a notable actor and they are all seemingly unattached- except for when none of them acknowledge your existence. Lets be clear, I'm not a star fucker. Not by occupation, anyway. But when they all congregate in front of you and you might as well be invisible, it sucks. No thank you! I'd rather hang out with the other people (not the Forever 21 hos mentioned above) that at least talk to me to try to get me into bed. Ignoring someone whether you're famous or rude!

3. Girls Lie
Jealy that your bestie told you she made out with Leo post-Bar, pre-Blake? Want to gauge your eyes out because your co-worker said Jared Leto asked for her number? Don't pack up your apartment, take a vow of silence, and move to Bhutan just yet...they are probably LYING. What likely happened is Justin Timberlake accidentally spilled his drink on her when he was drunk, she tried to strike up a conversation, and he muttered how that alcohol was wasted under his breath. For some reason, I've come into contact with a lot of girls lying about their dalliances with celebrity men. What's the point? It's not like we won't see a paparazzi photo of them making out with Olivia Wilde (lets not pretend that she's not fucking all of the guys she claims she's just friends with) in a week. Who are you fooling? Lets stop the lies and focus on things that are important, like dieting.

I hope you will find these helpful. Stay tuned for what I learn at the club this week. Have you learned any lessons from the Gods Of Nightlife?


Friday, September 9, 2011

Do You Ever Feel Like Someone Else Has Stolen Your Life?

I really hate it when people pretend like everything is perfect in their life just for appearances. Lets be honest, NOBODY is happy with everything. And if you are and you are in your twenties you must be some kind of freak of nature. A lucky freak of nature, but one nonetheless. I'd rather be upfront with my friends. My relationships aren't what I want them to be or I thought I'd be in a different place in my life by this age. Then, sometimes I see people who have exactly what I want that are my age- and even more vomit inducing, younger.

Before you say anything, I get it. The way they look to me on the outside might not be how they actually are. At this point, I'll take the facade. I just don't understand how things are happening for these other people and not for myself. I'm the biggest believer that you are the only one who has the power to change your own life. But what happens when the changes you try to make don't work and leave you feeling well, powerless. I don't want to hop on the bitter train, but sometimes it's really hard to make sense of it all. I want to fulfill myself in all of these ways but I keep trying different tactics to make changes and when there aren't any results it feels like I'm banging my head against a wall. What's worse, is having to see other people that are somehow successfully making these changes and excelling. Sometimes I feel like they stole the life I was supposed to have like when Dr. Evil stole Austin Powers's mojo.

How do you keep yourself out of a funk when nothing you're doing is working? Do you guys ever feel this way? Do you have any tips on what to do when it's getting you down?


Monday, September 5, 2011

Is It Ever A Good Idea To Revisit Your Past?

I will admit. Sometimes I suck at boy stuff. I'm really bad at letting things happen naturally and just run their course. Nine times out of ten I try to manipulate a situation to insure the outcome that I want. Fact: this had NEVER worked. Not once. It always ends up blowing up in my face. Yet I still continue to do it. I think I need to take a look at the saying they use in AA. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." I've never been to AA but they seem to know what they are talking about. I'm also a fan of their serenity prayer and they usually have hot guys standing outside of the Robertson Blvd location (you Angeleanos know what I'm talking about) and it's cheaper than buying copies of The Secret and The Power.

Anyway, sometimes when things don't work out with a new guy I'm talking to I like to go back to the past. Try and see what's going on with guys that I have had something with in the past that didn't work out. Why, I don't know. If it didn't work out then there's no logical reason why it should work now. Sure there's timing. But again if something is meant to be it's meant to be and I shouldn't manipulate it, right?

I (very recently) did this when I realized that the person was no longer attached. I was really nervous as it had been a long time but what could a friendly drink hurt? I had a much better time than I thought and now I'm even more confused.

So, is it a good idea to go back to your past? Does it stop is from moving forward? For me, the jury's still out. What do you think?