Thursday, November 4, 2010

Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes-Benz...Or Just Bring Me a Guy That Drives A Beamer

My name is Wannabe and I get wet for guys who drive Beamers. Graphic, I know. But I'm powerless. I need help. For some reason the last 3 guys I've dated (or slept with) have driven BMWs. Sure they're sexy, sleek, and expensive, but there must be more to it. So a few posts bad I said that you didn't need a Beamer, Benz, or Bentley...I lied. There's just something exciting about that European steel. But in a very rare Sex And The City moment, I couldn't help but wonder if there was something about the psychology of the men that buy BMWs.

Admittedly, I usually choose the wrong men. They are usually wealthy, entitled, and reckless. But I think I just need to come to terms with the fact that this is who I am. Every girl I know seems to give out man advice but they are either single or in relationships that I wouldn't want to be in. "You need to be with someone calm that balances you out", "You need to be with someone who doesn't do drugs", "You need to be able to be the one to shine in the relationship".

Well, FUCK THAT. Sorry I like industry types and they just happen to drive BMWs. That's all.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Yeah, I Cried in Target...So What????

My name is...well you don't know that nor do I want you to. But, I cried in Target yesterday. I know, at first it sounds pathetic. Don't pretend you haven't done the same thing (or something very similar). No, I wasn't crying at the adorable new Calypso St. Barth for Target clothing collection. I had a full on legitimate meltdown in the book aisle. I went into what Oprah refers to as "the ugly cry".

For those of you that have been following me, you might think I'm cray cray. But I'd like to assure you that in real life I'm actually a fairly stable, responsible woman. I make remarks in jest about men and recreational activities but underneath it all I'm very passionate about life- in particular my work.

Lets back up so I can set the scene about how the Mariah TRL/Britney Shaving Her Head moment went down for me. It's a regular Tuesday afternoon and I realize that I've run out of dish soap. Having seen it on sale in the Target circular I decided that I would procure it there. Innocuous enough, right? Wrong! How many times do YOU go into Target for one thing and leave with next week's paycheck worth of stuff. I'm a marketer's dream and am attracted to all of the bright, shiny signs (particularly the ones that say "sale"). I happened to meander over to the book section to look at Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Guidice's "Skinny Italian" book because I needed to get some new ideas for a dinner party I'm throwing. Low and behold there's a book on the shelf that has a title similar to one that I've been working on for two years. I l-o-s-t my shit. I started breaking down with a cart full of Glade candles and greeting cards right there. I was inconsolable. I finally had to retreat to the dressing room to collect myself and wipe the tears away. I was finally about to go back to the book section and actually look at the book. Turns out, it has absolutely nothing to do with mine. Relief!

I called a friend to tell them this story thinking it would be a funny anecdote we could tell at cocktail parties and her response was "why do you care so much?" I started to think about it. Do I care too much or do other people not care enough? All I want in life is to fulfill my passion and be creative. Why is it wrong to take that so seriously? Isn't it the people that sacrifice and that have tunnel vision the ones that succeed? Why should I be so blase about my future?

Here it goes. I'm not normal. I don't want to be normal. I don't want a job that will get me by in life. I want the roller coaster. And here my "friend" is basically telling me that I'm making myself crazy and it isn't worth it. Well, I totally Varsity Blues-ed her ass and told her "I don't want your life" (not nearly as passionately as James Van Der Beek had done it but I gave it my best shot). I would gladly cry at Target, Best Buy, or Whole Foods and feel that disappointment and go for my dreams instead of living a life of mediocrity.

Do YOU chase your dreams everyday? If not you should...and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. Suck that The Secret (which is available at Target by the way).

Monday, November 1, 2010

What would you rather be doing than having sex?

Lets talk about sex baby.

The fact being that I have mostly single girlfriends and we all tend to drink to the point of excess, sometimes the cocktail conversations get a bit racy. Details of past trysts, potential future fornications, and fantasies are usually about two vodka sodas into the conversation (i mean hello we don't have food in our stomachs).

What would you rather be doing than having sex? Popular answers included a foot massage, sitting on a beach with a cocktail, shopping, and almost anything else. My answer- NOTHING. People offered up tons of options testing if my answer was real. Nope, nada, zilch. I don't board a plane, train, automobile (or boat) that's not for a nationally recognized holiday unless I know I'm getting railed. Sad but true. Maybe I'm so devoid of emotion and true intimacy so the only way I can connect is thru animalistic fucking. I'll leave that to the many professionals at my disposal. But my answer still remains the same.

So....what would YOU rather be doing than having sex?