Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I Want To Be The Fairest Of Them All- A Response To Apocalypstick's Post

I was reading my good friend Apocalystick's blog last night and she had written a new post called Mirror Error. She posted about not being happy about the way she looked and wasn't looking for compliments to pour in, but rather to vent about how she was feeling about herself.

You can read Mirror Error here: http://apocalypstick.com/2011/08/22/mirror-error/

Some of the comments told her (and her readers) how damaging celebrity culture and women in the media are. How that look isn't attainable and how we can't compare ourselves to celebrities. While I agree with the comments that being "you" is a gift and that you should celebrate your uniqueness it got me thinking.

I will admit it. I want the body of a celebrity. I want to be a celebrity. I diet, exercise, and obsess daily about my body. My ideal changes weekly. Sometimes it's Fergie (singer, not the Duchess), Nicole Richie, Jessica Biel, and a variety of others. Yes, it is very difficult to both attain and maintain that type of body- but it is possible and if you want it and are willing to work for it I don't see a problem with that. I want to look the best that I can look. Why should I chalk it up to "oh they're famous"? To me that's saying that they are different than I am, which clearly I don't believe. They may be in a different place in their career at the moment but we are all the same and if they can do it, so can I.

I have one friend who I love very dearly and is the closest thing I will every have to a sibling. But she's always telling me to stop worrying so much about my career when I'm staying up late rehearsing for an audition or writing a new script all night. But it is people that go that extra mile that end up making it, at least in the industry I want to be in. Nobody is forcing me to do this. This is the life and career path that I've chosen and why shouldn't I want to make it to the top? I don't want to meander in the middle somewhere. Yes, I watch what I eat everyday. I turn down a lot of nights out to stay in and work on projects. But I don't think I should be judged for wanting more.

Mediocrity is fine with some people. They want their 9-5PM job and make enough money to be comfortable. I don't judge them for that. So I shouldn't be judged for wanting the best in life. The best body, the best career, the best boyfriend. I don't want to settle for anything.

Sometimes it's OK to want to change things about yourself. And we all have the power to control and change those things. Thanks Apocalypstick! And btw you're super hot!


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

When Does Slutty Become Too Slutty?

Please excuse the lack of a photo. None seemed to fit appropriately.

Sometimes ALL girls want to ho it up. Not necessarily with their actions but with the way they dress. It can be nice to get attention. But lately I've wrestled with the question how slutty is too slutty? I am a fan of the "classy slutty" look. Kind of a Carrie Bradshaw mets Kate Moss sort of thing. My personal signature look usually has to do with denim on the bottom, white t-shirt, black bra, and heels. It doesn't sound that bad, right? But I was debating the length of the jean shorts was wearing the other night. I was comfortable in it but that doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate to wear in public. To be honest the more appropriate pair almost seemed matronly in length compared to the others. So, what to do? When does slutty become too slutty. And how do you know?

What do you think is too slutty?


*Side Note: When you Google image "slutty" the first pictures that come up are of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, & Miley Cyrus. Interesting....

Monday, August 15, 2011

Things That Every Girl Needs In Her Purse in 2011

A friend of mine used to have a great acronym for everything she needed in her bag when she left the house: MILK

Unfortunately this was invented in the late 90's and she had to make a few additions, so MILK became MCMILK- like Ronald McDonald's partying firecrotch cousin.
Cell Phone (applicable to BlackBerry, IPhone, and all smart phones now)

I always followed this rule when going out and for the most part, I was covered. But as my life and partying progressed, I realized that there were some things that I needed that weren't on the list.

A pen is necessary for a variety of reasons, signing your bar bill receipt, signing your traffic ticket, and the most important, leaving your number behind in the morning. I recently found myself in a predicament without a pen and it was a disaster. After a rendez-vous with a very nice guy I woke up circa 6AM. As I'm a fidgeter - nor do I do awkward mornings I wanted to get the hell out of there. I wanted to be polite and leave my number so I looked in my Lauren Merkin clutch and there was no pen. I scoured his apartment- which was very informative by the way- to find a writing utensil. Finally after 20 minutes, I found a pen near the bar area. The only paper I found was the back of a Target receipt, but in a pinch, anything will do. I courteously left my number behind and I actually received a text soon after slinking out. Manners intact and a new relationship on the horizon, check!

Tide To-Go Stick
I'm a relatively new convert to the portable stain stick movement but I must say that I encourage all of you to join the cause as well. Recently, there was an incident with In-N-Out Burger (it was protein style- so don't judge!) and an Elizabeth & James cocktail dress. I hadn't even notice until I'd gotten out of the car and a friend pointed it out. I was mortified and thought I could cover the bottom of my dress by holding my clutch just so. Not the case. After the field test we realized something had to be done before reaching our final destination. Answer, 24 Hour CVS. Solution, Tide Stick T0-Go. This thing worked wonders and literally took the stain away within minutes. Do NOT freak out that there's a giant wet spot for 5 minutes. It subsides and takes the evidence of in-car gluttony away.

I know money is written above in both MILK and MCMILK but money can pertain to anything. Credit Cards, Checks, Travelers Checks, Starbucks Cards, Gift Cards. It is important that you're always carrying cold hard cash. There are some emergencies and situations in which only cash will suffice and they usually occur after 2AM.

Optional: Camera, (in case you get that rare opportunity to get a picture with Justin Timberlake and that BlackBerry just won't cut it), Pepper Spray, Birth Control

What do you always have in your purse?


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Lobster And Rose: An Ode To Summer

Every summer I try to make a list of fun things I have to do while the warm months are upon us. Clearly that summer fling with Ryan Gosling isn't happening this year. I always succumb to the marketing geniuses around that time. Every women's magazine features the perfect outfit and accessories for the beach, the outdoor concert festival, a summer BBQ, and your exotic trip to Bali. If everyone at these magazines is doing all of this stuff, shouldn't I be doing it? I mean, I live in LA and how often to I get to Malibu? I start to feel the pressure of summer to have fun and take advantage of all of the opportunities around and it stresses me the fuck out! This summer I had two main goals:

1) See a movie at Hollywood Forever Cemetery- Check! Saw Heathers so fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
2) Water Park- I know they're technically disgusting and full with who knows what kind of germs. But I thought it was be an easy way to re-capture my youth with a AAA discount. This item is still pending.

I don't have the time or money quite frankly to complete all of the picture-esq activities that my heart desires so I made a compromise with myself. I decided to indulge in the two things that are my absolute favorite about summer. Yes. Oprah style. If I could give these to you my readers you would probably be pissed you weren't walking away with a free trip to Australia, but in Wannabe World they suffice. Drum roll please! My two summer must haves are: Lobster and Rose!

There is NO way to go wrong here. Of course my favorite was to eat lobster during the summer is in "roll" form. The buttered split roll is perfection (and in my mind it's also carb-less). Then you have chunks of buttery lobster meat (tail and claw preferred) doused in either butter or mayo adorning the roll. If you haven't already and you live in LA, check out the Lobsta Truck so you can feel like it's summer all year round: www.lobstatruck.com

While the lobster roll is my favorite I also enjoy it in burger, salad, and free form. Nothing says summer like those claw-y creatures red delicious meat. Shoot me now PETA. And what alcoholic beverage goes oh-so-well with this sweet and savory seafood???

Rose. You are perfect. You are almost like a blend of red and white wine. Clearly I'm not a wine expert but I know what I like. You are light and airy and crisp all in one sip. And lets get real...I can suck down a glass real fast. Though it tends to have a lower alcohol content it's OK because you can drink more, easily. The chilled wine goes perfectly with the heat and humidity and because it's so drinkable it's perfect for cocktail hour on the porch (aka I sit on the bench alone in front of my building), or with a meal. Preferably containing lobster.

So, don't let the bourgeois marketing companies let you believe that you aren't living up to your full summer potential. Zero in on the few activities you want to do while the weather is warm and then find out what summer means to you. And if you want my opinion, sit back, relax, and enjoy some lobster and rose.

What are your summer must-haves?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Lindsay Lohan's Courtroom Fashion: An Analysis

May 24, 2010Ah, the beginning. Doesn't this seem like so long ago? When Lindsay was only an addict and not a thief. This must be what people mean when referring to the "good ole days". Her outfit is alarmingly appropriate. Her boobs are covered (mostly) and she chose a demure black pantsuit to show her respect for the judge and the legal process.

July 6, 2010
The cockiness begins. Who needs to wear binding tailored clothes to court? This is Lindsay before and orange jumpsuit was her only option for 30 days. This outfit says "I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm collected and I'm going to beat the system motherfuckers!

July 20, 2010
The difference a few days makes. On her return appearance to court a mere two weeks later, Lindsay said fuck you to Saks (hey they prosecuted Winona Ryder- probably best she got out when she did) and hello to generic (what color is that even??? moss mixed w/ charcoal?) t-shirt that Target would be ashamed to acknowledge that they made. This choice was probably made a night after she was pretending to audition for a guest star roll on Breaking Bad and she did too much "research". The outfit sucks- plain and simple. But homegirl knows how to accessorize. See below.

Sept 24, 2010
Nothing like some time in the clink to make you appreciate italian fabrics, cashmere, and tailoring. Our girl LL got it together, somewhat, to channel her version of Marilyn Monroe (even if she isn't wearing her 6126 line as an homage to the star). Hey the last two ensembles of shitty t-shirts didn't help so maybe the pleated knee length skirt would. She may not have ended up back in prison, but she should've been arrested by the fashion police.

Oct 22, 2010
Who even remembers why she was there this time? The court case is just as forgettable as this outfit.

Feb 9, 2011
Dress: Kimberly Ovitz

This is hot. Plain and simple. I don't care if she was going to court. This outfit is perfect ANYWHERE. Church/Temple/Wherever Scientologists gather? Check! Grocery shopping? Check! Dinner and drugs at The Chateau Marmont? Check. I choose to overlook the inappropriateness and hip hugging nature and give into the silhouette for style. A+ Linds! Is that the first time you've ever seen that next to your name?

March 10, 2011

Dress:Raquel Allegra
Shoes: Chanel
Sunglasses: Christian Dior

Once again...flawless. Perhaps not for being berated by the justice system. But if you're going to get in trouble, you might as well look hot doing it.

July 22, 2011
Shoes: Christian Louboutin
Cost: $1200 + mental clarity due to lack of therapy funds

First off, the shoes could be "borrowed" like the necklace she was accused of taking. Second of all, I would much rather buy Louboutins then have to talk about my problems- unless they're giving me the good meds. Well done Lindsay. I'm never one to blame a girl for trying. Might be time for a new weave though.


Everyone is all into those shellack and gel manicures these days but lets be honest- Lindsay kicked off the nail niche. She's an actress and needs to express her true emotions. And sometimes nothing other than "fuck u" will suffice. Loving the pastel color scheme underneath the writing. Wonder if she was able to hide any blow under the fingernail.

What's your favorite outfit Lindsay wore to court? What do you think she should wear for her court appearance in October? Lets all get our paper dolls out.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Clearly The TSA Does Not Stand For The Style Afficianado

"I need a female assist with a bulky dress!"

You've got to be kidding me. As I moved into what can only be described as a Plexiglas tube at Miami International Airport security I started to tear up. Never had I had such a lucid Cher Horowtiz moment. Sure I have the buzzed "lets take a lap before we commit to a location" upon entering any club or party but is there a girl that was a pre-teen in the 90's that doesn't say that?

I immediately wanted to shout at him. "Bulky! This dress is vintage." Who do you think you are, Rachel Zoe? Look, I get you're doing your job keeping our skyways safe and all but I really don't think it's necessary to insult my fashion sense. Not what Obama had in mind.

I wanted to pull a freeze frame moment a la Zack Morris. FYI the dress was a colorful vintage maxi halter and it looked a lot better with the boho Splendid cardigan and straw fedora you made me take off and put thru the x-ray machine.

Finally the female TSA agent came over and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I'm not going to lie- my tone was teetering on a whimper and a whine.

"Do you think my dress is bulky?" Silence. "Your colleague called my dress bulky."
"He did?"
"Yeah. And it's vintage. That was so insulting."
"He didn't mean it like that." I roll my eyes and snicker. "He just meant it was form fitting and we couldn't see if you were concealing anything underneath it." So, first he calls my dress ugly and now I'm fat. I spread my legs which lets be honest was the most action I got on my vacation.
After the pat down she winked at me and told me she would have a talk with him. I guess she rocks the boho chic when the TSA uniform comes off. The skies were friendly once again.

And PS only Uncle Karl can every call my garments bulky. I don't take it twice.

Would YOU have given the TSA agent a piece of your mind?