Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Clearly The TSA Does Not Stand For The Style Afficianado

"I need a female assist with a bulky dress!"

You've got to be kidding me. As I moved into what can only be described as a Plexiglas tube at Miami International Airport security I started to tear up. Never had I had such a lucid Cher Horowtiz moment. Sure I have the buzzed "lets take a lap before we commit to a location" upon entering any club or party but is there a girl that was a pre-teen in the 90's that doesn't say that?

I immediately wanted to shout at him. "Bulky! This dress is vintage." Who do you think you are, Rachel Zoe? Look, I get you're doing your job keeping our skyways safe and all but I really don't think it's necessary to insult my fashion sense. Not what Obama had in mind.

I wanted to pull a freeze frame moment a la Zack Morris. FYI the dress was a colorful vintage maxi halter and it looked a lot better with the boho Splendid cardigan and straw fedora you made me take off and put thru the x-ray machine.

Finally the female TSA agent came over and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I'm not going to lie- my tone was teetering on a whimper and a whine.

"Do you think my dress is bulky?" Silence. "Your colleague called my dress bulky."
"He did?"
"Yeah. And it's vintage. That was so insulting."
"He didn't mean it like that." I roll my eyes and snicker. "He just meant it was form fitting and we couldn't see if you were concealing anything underneath it." So, first he calls my dress ugly and now I'm fat. I spread my legs which lets be honest was the most action I got on my vacation.
After the pat down she winked at me and told me she would have a talk with him. I guess she rocks the boho chic when the TSA uniform comes off. The skies were friendly once again.

And PS only Uncle Karl can every call my garments bulky. I don't take it twice.

Would YOU have given the TSA agent a piece of your mind?



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