It's really hard to find a drug-free guy in Los Angeles. Booger Sugar is more popular than In-N-Out. What I didn't expect when looking for a guy with a clean nose was what I would find on the opposite side of the spectrum. Who knew there were so many guys that DON'T DRINK?!?!
Listen, if you have a problem, that's one thing. But I don't trust people that just don't drink. What is the point in that? First of all, a lot of alcoholic beverages are very tasty. Second, buzzed isn't drunk. Who doesn't love that fresh feeling of immortality somewhere around the first half of that second cocktail. Third, alcohol has lead me to a lot of decisions that have provided me with fodder for the rest of my life and will help prove to my grandchildren that I was once a hip chick.
Where is the balance? It seems like my only choices are a guy with a Hoover for a nose, or a Mormon. Where's the guy that drinks two scotches at The Chateau and books a room off the buzz? Where's the guy who has a few beers and gets a little too rowdy? Are you out there? If so, you know where to find me.